I’ve noticed this theme in my life lately, in so many different areas of my life I’ve been asking the same questions:
What is our plan?
Who are we?
Where are we going?
What are we doing?
What is our message?
What is our mission?

I’m realizing that in these different areas of my life (the different organizations I’m involved in, Tangle, my family) I can’t move forward without these questions answered.

A few months ago a friend of mine told me about some advice she was given for her family. She and her husband were told to write a mission statement for their family: a governing set of rules and values and goals that determined the direction of their family. I was completely blown away by this concept and walked away from my conversation with her feeling like my world was rocked, my life was totally changed.

Since then I’ve been thinking about what the master plan for my little family will be. I’ve been thinking about what I want to define us: plans, goals, directions and values like grace and bravery and love and compassion. I’ve been telling my kids this – what defines our family. When they are afraid of something, I say things like, “Our family is a brave family. Even if we are afraid, we still do what needs to be done, even if it scares us.” It’s amazing how when I tell them these statements about our family they just accept them as fact.

“What? Our family is brave? Ok, then I guess I will be brave.”

Laying out our master family plan gives us something to refer to when things come up – decisions that need to be made or conflicts that need to be settled. And it gives each person a defining role – this is who we are and this is how and where I belong. I’m starting to see just how valuable this is to a family, a business, an organization. And I’ve started to wonder how anyone/thing functions without a master plan? It’s amazing that so many people/entities can operate without a vision. They are going somewhere, they just don’t know where. (How much of my life has been lived like this?)

So in all the areas of my life I’m starting to look for the big picture. I find myself asking these questions of the organizations I’m involved in because I don’t know how to move forward without knowing where we’re going. And in doing so, I get to be part of the process of defining their master plans. I get to dream and help mold where we’re going and it is SO fun.

In my family I’m still writing our master plan. It’s hard doing this by myself – I am such a collaborator – but I feel this is the single most important thing I can do for us. My kids need to know exactly how they fit into our family; knowing where they belong will give them so much security. And I need to know what defines us so when decisions get big or things get blurry, I know where I’m going, how I’m going to get there and what kind of values are going to get me there.

Proverbs says: “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” And I’m starting to see just how true that is. I am so abundantly thankful for these lessons I’m learning.

Last week, we took all the Christmas decor down at Tangle and I did new windows including new curtains. If you look in my room or closet right now you’ll notice that mustard and grey are my favorite colors, especially together. It’s only fitting that the windows at Tangle should match.

The wall at the Steve Madden store at Cherry Creek Mall in Denver.

My sister, her husband, the twinzies and the kiddos on our way into Ikea.

The twinzies in the PJ pants I made them for Christmas. It’s nearly impossible to take a non-blurry pic of the two of them together – they never stop moving!

The cousins watching movies and eating copious amounts of popcorn.

Battleship, ipad style

When Seth is your roommate, this happens in your living room. They were filming a commercial for a custom bible cover website.

baby Gunnison being adorable as ever (Did you know that I’m his favorite?)

In August, Eden and Carrie started writing a novel together, they would take turns writing a page each, building on the story as they went. They finished it up early December and had Honor illustrate it. We self-published the book through lulu.com and ordered copies of it as Christmas presents for our family and the kids’ teachers.

Eden wrote at least half of the nearly 10,000 words of the book and it is such a riot! I’m one proud mama.

You can order the book here.

Eden always sings this sandwich song (over and over and over), so last night when she was at Jim’s, he recorded this:

(If you want the short version of 2011 it would be: I got divorced. The end. Or maybe: I graduated therapy. The end. Or quite possibly: I got a dishwasher. The end.)

I’m not sure I can even put words to the transformation 2011 saw in me. I am a completely different person in every way. I think that it is because I am finally home in my own skin. It took life’s worst rejection for me to realize who I am and really accept and like myself. Being told I wasn’t worthy made me finally realize how worthy I really am. I now feel so free, so alive. Everything seems better, brighter, bigger and more fun. I have no way to say how thankful I am for where I am and I continue to be in awe of what my life looks like today. Every second of the pain I went through was worth being here and I think the last year shows that:

It seems like this was a year of celebration, which I love. Sorrow should always be mingled with joy.
We celebrated:
Amy’s 30th birthday (a surprise party with lots of pink, fluffy cotton candy.)
Eden’s 9th birthday
Mother’s day with carne asada and Red Mango and handmade presents from the children.
Alyssa’s engagement and bridal shower
Carrie’s birthday
Rickelle’s baby shower (and Gunnison being born)
Alyssa’s two weddings (the first I photographed and the second was the most fun wedding I’ve ever been to)
My 30th birthday
Honor’s 8th Birthday
Seth’s birthday
Amy’s epic Christmas party

We also embraced holidays in new ways:
April Fools Day – Honor participated for the first time – there were lots of taped faucets.
Passover – a tradition I will carry on.
4th of July - we celebrated by floating the river and watching the fireworks in the park.
Halloween – we celebrated by carving pumpkins, trick-or-treating and having an adult costume party.
Thanksgiving – we started a new tradition of eating pie in the morning and then celebrated with my aunt, uncle and cousins.
Christmas – we celebrated for the first time ever.
Hanukkah – still feeling our way through this one as non-jews.

Kids
The kids and I had the pleasure of being photographed by Cat Mayer.
•Eden graduated 3rd grade and started 4th. She and I ran the Girls on the Run 5k together. She went to church camp, learned to sew and embroider and brushed up on her knitting skills. She and Carrie published a real book together making her a (self) published author at the age of 9.

•Honor graduated 1st grade and started 2nd. He began reading chapter books and spent A LOT of time building things with legos and collecting bugs. Honor illustrated Eden & Carrie’s book.

Carrie
Along with Seth, moved in with us in August, forming a little, tight-knit community. Went with the kids and I to our first ever JUCO game, the drive-in movie, the lake and camped with us in the backyard. Saved us all in more ways than she will ever know.

House and garden
I planted peas, lettuce and broccoli and helped plant the community garden. Then my gardening efforts sort of fizzled out. I painted the steps to my house aqua as well as the dining room chairs. Carrie helped organize the whole house which feels amazing. I got a new (to me) couch and a new (to me) bed frame. I purchased and installed (all by myself!!) an new dishwasher which we had been without for the entire year.

Tangle
Tangle turned 5 and continued to prosper with our biggest year ever. We participated in Knit on the Corner for the 2nd year and added a few more teachers to our staff.

Travel
The kids and I made a few trips to Denver to visit my sister. We also went to Wyoming to celebrate my step-grandfather’s 90th birthday. I went to Wyoming to photograph my cousin’s wedding. Carrie and I took a couple trips to the hot springs in Ouray, once with kids and once without.

Crafting
Amy and I canned pickles, strawberry rhubarb jam and lavender peach butter. I also canned cranberry sauce. I sewed 3 quilts and knitted 3 blankets. Nearly every gift given was handmade this year. And I discovered pinterest.

Marriage
After many years of wanting to leave, Jim moved out. The kids hearts broke at a time that mine was finally healing. After a mandatory co-parenting class, we got divorced in October, just 10 days shy of our 12th wedding anniversary. In living through this, I learned what love really is.

Me
I did a lot of yard sale-ing with Amy, finally got an iphone, joined the board of the downtown association, tried to do a three week fruits and veggies only diet that lasted 5 days and stayed off grains (for the most part) for the rest of the year. Graduated therapy, went to a leadership conference and was reminded that I can do ANYTHING and make ANYTHING happen. Felt my community band around me when single-parenting got really hard. Started helping my friend look into how our city handles our homeless population. Decided to get really serious about working out and taking care of my body. Lost 15lbs, accepted the fact that I am kind of into fitness. Started dating. Helped my church start a free medical clinic. Turned into the person I was created to be.

A few of my favorite tweets to sum up the year:

I am so thankful for what I have been through and where I’ve come. I know I say it over and over, but I really can’t express how worth it ALL of this has been and how amazing it is to be on the other side. I have no clue what 2012 holds, but I am so excited for what’s next!

Pictures from Hanukkah and our Christmas movie marathon on Christmas Eve.

Honor set his ninjago up there to watch White Christmas.

I’d say a good time was had by all.

(I might have gone just a teensy overboard with the stockings…)

Carrie spoiled me!

Honor bought me a lifetime supply of gum. Eden picked out fingernail polish for me in shades of black and grey – the kid knows me.

Honor gets the award for best wrapping

I made Carrie new jammy pants with the caveat that she can’t wear them in public.

She’s thrilled with the iPhone case that she can cross stitch.

Honor made me the cutest card

I gave Dexter his new bone before we started opening up presents so he would leave us alone.

He’s naughty.

Carrie drew a christmas tree on the mirror over our presents so the presents would be under the tree.

See the whole set here.

Carrie was my date to our employee party at Tangle. I guess we partied too hard and she had to take a little nap.

Blurry as this was taken from the car. If you live in town, drive north all the way up 26 road until you reach this schmancy neighborhood. I’m not sure how I feel about the blue, but it was pretty spectacular.

Christmas present from my mom. Yes the salt and pepper really does come out where you think it might…

slightly blurry Seth and Carrie matching in their stripes

celebrating Hanukkah

celebrating Hanukkah

Carrie and I at an Ugly Sweater party. We have the sweater on display at Tangle and there has been some debate over wether it really is ugly, but I promise you, it’s ugly.

Carrie tells me I’m an overachiever. I actually think the problem is that I’m addicted to crafting.

Here’s the wrapping I chose for all of my presents this year. Just simple craft paper and damask tissue paper, sewn with the machine and tied with green ribbon. For the kids stockings I used regular black and white wrapping paper because even I am not that crazy. It was so much fun.