Because I’m living with the queen of theme parties and dressing up, it seemed fitting that I dress up for Halloween this year. (The first time in my adult life.) And because of my recent obsession with Mad Men, I decided on Joan Holloway, whom I LOVE.

I lucked out at Goodwill where I found the perfect tweed skirt, button up top, earrings and pin. I tailored the heck out of the skirt and shirt so I could get that skin-tight-Joanie look. Tailoring plus a couple pair of socks in my bra and I was starting to feel the Joan Holloway vibe. Carrie found this fluorescent orange wig at PartyLand that I cut so she could style it into the perfect 1960’s up-do. I sprayed it with a good coat of temporary brown hairspray and it turned out perfect!

For makeup I did winged liquid eyeliner, fake eyelashes and the reddest lipstick I could find. (I wish I could wear fake eyelashes everyday.) I ordered the quintessential “Joan” necklace from 1928 Jewelry to complete my costume. I think it turned out pretty well!

Thursday Carrie, Eden and I headed out to the country to play in the corn maze. We were amazed when we got there, there was so much to do! They have a petting zoo with farm animals, a giant slide that ends in a giant pile of dried corn rather than gravel, pumpkin patch and the biggest bump & jump I’ve ever seen (they call it a big pumpkin).

We had so much fun making our way through the corn mazes as Eden and Carrie sampled the corn (it’s feed corn). I was maybe the tiniest bit nervous about finding our way through until I discovered that we could use the GPS on our iphones to pinpoint our exact location in the maze. The bump and jump was so fun too. This is definitely a tradition I plan to keep up every year and next year we want to take an adults only trip to the maze when it’s dark – so fun!

If you live in Western Colorado and want to visit Studt’s, their hours and information are on their website. I would highly recommend it.

I’m amazed that they can make such complex mazes. They told us that they grow the corn into the shape of the maze, using weed killer to carve the path.

Welcome to Studt’s

This photo doesn’t do the view justice. You can see Mt Garfield and the Grand Mesa in the background.

The giant pumpkin

I’m pretty sure my most favorite thing to knit is blankets. I don’t know what it is about blankets, but I am such a sucker for them!

I’ve been working on this blanket for quite awhile. When I discovered that Berroco Plush had been discontinued, I snatched up what we had left in the store to make a big throw for my living room. We have been SO sad that this yarn is discontinued, it is perfect for making baby blankets! I used size 10 needles and knit each stripe from one ball. And used 20 balls total (I can’t believe how much this blanket cost!) It is definitely the favorite blanket around here and so soft and snuggly.

I made this sweater for baby Gunnison. I just love my stand-by Knitting Pure and Simple #214 Baby Pullover Pattern. It is perfect for babies and so easy. The yarn is Spud and Chloe Sweater which is my favorite kid yarn at the moment. I modified the pattern a little bit by using a size 8 needle rather than the recommended size 9. I thought the yarn did better on a size 8. So I tweaked the sizing so it would end up being the 6 month size.

I made this blanket for my cousin Leann who is pregnant with her third child. I just knew the baby was going to be a girl and for the first time in YEARS I was actually right. I love, love, love this pattern from Purl. It was so easy and such a great way to use Blue Sky’s organic cotton. It’s so soft and squishy. We plan to offer this blanket as one of our fall workshops at Tangle.

The reason this is my favorite time of year. The weather these last few weeks has been glorious.

Baby Gunnison is getting so cute and big!

Our customers at Tangle have been knitting helmet liners for the troops and we have sent off over 500 so far. We are so happy to be part of this project.

We will be carving pumpkins at Carrie’s big pumpkin carving party later this week, but the kids had to have a little sneak peak at the fun.

Remember this quilt? The one I made when I thought the baby was going to be a girl? Turns out he was a boy (see above) and so the quilt became a nice throw for Rickelle’s living room. (This would be the second girl quilt I’ve made for a boy. – Lesson: don’t sew quilts for babies until they are born.) I finally got the binding on it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how through this journey I’ve learned what faith really is. When I was in that place of not knowing if my husband would stay or go I finally learned that the only way I could survive that uncertainty was to completely surrender. Anyone who knows me knows that I am bossy and that I like to be in control, so giving up control over my marriage, the most important relationship to me in the world, was about the hardest thing anyone could ever ask me to do. But that was the only way. And when I finally learned how to let go, completely let go, and take blind steps forward – that’s when life opened up to me. That moment of giving up, of saying, “Ok, God, you can do what you want with me. Wherever you take me is where I’m going. I’m going to stop questioning you and I’m going to start believing that you know better than me.” – that moment was when it all changed. Accepting that is the only reason I am here today.

What I’m realizing is that getting divorced wasn’t the end of my journey in faith. I still have no idea of what my life is going to look like. I have no idea of what God has planned for me. I still have to keep taking those blind steps forward and put all my trust in him. Because he still knows better than me. And I’m seeing that I’m going to have to live the rest of my life this way. I would so much rather have control. I’d rather have a plan that I can take step by step, crossing off each milestone with a sharpie. But if I want it to be really good, I have to choose the unknown. I have to lay my heart in his hands and see what he does with me. Faith isn’t just going to be something that got me through a horrible time of my life, it’s going to have to be my oxygen. If I want to live something truly remarkable, faith is going to have to be the new way I do life.

I think life is always going to be a little scary, because it doesn’t fit into a 5 point plan. It’s always going to be about risking just enough because without risk, we never get a chance to have something amazing. And for me it’s always going to be about placing one foot in front of the other, trusting that God knows what he’s doing with me even if I have no idea what that is.

Honor with the lego alien ship he got for his birthday. The way this kid builds legos, I swear he is going to be an engineer.

Honor being mini Seth.

I had saved this photo on my phone from some website. It cracks me up every time I see it.

We had a cold snap so weenie boy had to try on his jacket. It’s a little snug.

Honor had this front tooth that has been hanging on for MONTHS. So long that it turned yellow and the adult tooth grew in behind it. Everyone tried to get him to pull it and bribed him with all kids of gifts, but the stubborn boy would not let anyone touch it. Eden took to calling it “Banana tooth” and had a little song that she would sing. As you can imagine, the boy hated it. It looked so bad that I told him not to smile during his school pictures. Thankfully it is now out of his mouth.

Carrie is back from her travels awhile and so the bi-weekly trips to the library have commenced. I often find all three of them cuddled up in Carrie’s bed in the basement reading. I’m so thankful my kids are readers.

This morning, at 10am, I got divorced. Just, you know, like it was any other day. If you follow me on twitter you know that I’ve been counting down the days until D-day. Not because I am trying to make light of getting divorced (I value marriage more highly now than ever) but because I knew how significant this day would be for me. I have been waiting and waiting and WAITING for my life to be different and today it finally is. Today means I finally have the chance to have what I have been wanting (and missing) for years – a chance to be adored.

Today also marks the final step in my transformation. You know how, when people have been through some shit, they have this kind of knowing wisdom behind their eyes? I feel like I have that now – this quiet understanding of loss and grief and fear coupled with the knowledge that we humans can survive just about anything. My friend and I call it being awake.

I come out of this with a deep-seated trust in God that I never understood before. This week I have been looking at myself marveling at the amazing plan God has worked in me. Just one month ago I wasn’t quite ready for this next chapter in my life. But this week I woke up completely ready for what is next. The timing could not have been orchestrated better. I look at myself and am truly in awe at where I am. For so many years getting divorced was my very worst fear and I just lived through it. I didn’t survive it, I LIVED through it. And now I’m on the other side and I’m completely fine.

I’ve been surprised at this amazing sense of freedom I’ve been feeling. I have always loved being married and I fought SO hard to keep my marriage together. But I am SO happy to have it over. I am abundantly thankful that I get the chance to move on. I distinctly remember the day that I realized, I don’t need a husband. I still would like to have one again someday, but I don’t need one. I am complete just as I am and I am happy.

Coming through this has taught me exactly what it takes to make a marriage work – what it means to love. It has taught me how to fight and what is worth fighting for. And even though things didn’t end up the way I had originally wanted, I am so thankful for the way things are now. I’m so thankful that God knew better than me.

Today I’m taking the time to thank the amazing people who have gotten me here, to thank Jesus for saving me (from so much more than hell) and to celebrate where I am. I honestly never thought I would be here. I never thought it could be this good. When I was living in month’s long panic attacks, I never imagined that I would be here right now, so thankful for what that time did to me, in me. I don’t think I will ever cease to be amazed by the plan that was orchestrated in my life. It is truly overwhelming.

Thank you all for loving me through this.

My Grandma and step-Grandpa on his 90th birthday.

Last weekend the children, my mother and I drove to Wyoming by way of Denver (where we picked up my sister and the twinzies). We went to celebrate my step-grandfather’s 90th birthday. The life he has lived is pretty amazing, he was married to his first wife for nearly 60 years before she died of cancer. He and my grandma have been married for 8 years and have had such a good time together. He has been so good to all of us and has been such a patriarch to his family. It was amazing to see him surrounded by his children, grand, great and great-great grand children.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the legacy we leave and how when we view life with the long-view instead of looking at the short term, seeking instant gratification we end up with so much more: deep relationships that span decades, children and grandchildren that make us abundantly proud and a host of people who’s lives we have touched, who love us for it. I think taking the long view comes down to what has been my biggest life lesson – love is a choice. It’s not always easy and it doesn’t always feel good to choose to love, but it always pays off. Always. It was amazing to see the fruit of 90 years of choosing to love.

I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to have to live a really long time to be able to have 60 years of marriage under my belt. But that is something I want for my life. I want a legacy and a huge family that adores each other. Where so many families don’t survive and turn into hate-filled drama machines, I want mine to be full of life and love. I know I’m getting off to a rough start to fulfilling this dream, but I’m not giving up – I’m still holding onto hope that I can have it.

Honor turned 8 yesterday. We celebrated with Jim at Sonic and Red Mango which Honor was VERY excited about. I decided at the last minute to re-do his room for his birthday. I did Eden’s for her 8th birthday and his room was really disgusting so it needed it. Plus it was time to go with something more boyish. The last time the room had been decorated was 10 years ago when I was pregnant with Eden.

I spent the entire day painting yesterday and loaded everything back into the room today. Honor hasn’t seen it yet, but I think he will really like it. The walls still need some art – Honor plans to draw me some monsters that I can paint on the wall (or maybe a canvas). I want to add more orange in too.

My Uncle painted this in 1977.

The duvet is from Ikea as well as the dog tail hook and alarm clock. The skull rug & pillow, black sheets, black blanket, rugs and wall hook unit with the pencil cups are from Target (most everything was on clearance). The little table and chairs set was mine when I was a kid and the dresser we had custom made for Eden – it’s in need of some repair.

Total cost including paint for the walls and floor: $175.00

Last week I was invited to attend a dinner party at Cat Mayer’s house. She had the brilliant idea to get 10 entrepreneurs together for a beautiful dinner under a canopy of twinkling lights on her patio. Robin from Toast styled the whole event and it was catered by Berna B’s. Everything was so magical.
(Of course my iphone photo’s don’t do Cat’s justice.)