Monday
Chicken Posole verde

Tuesday
Leftovers

Wednesday
Dahl with brown rice

Thursday
Thai takeout/family dinner

Friday
Josh’s in charge

Saturday
Fish “taco” brown rice bowls

Sunday
Lemon rosemary chicken with fingerling potatoes

I’ve never been a big “New Year’s Resolutions” kind of girl. But last year didn’t leave me feeling very successful. I think I finished it smack-dab in the middle of a bunch of lessons and healing, so this year I decided to write out some goals for 2014.

Overall, I plan to work to make 2014 much happier. Part of that is trusting where I need to. That means trusting those who’ve earned it and trusting God that whatever happens, he has good things for me. I should remember this by now. I’ve lived through so many bad things and come out on the other side so thankful, I should remember it. Here’s how I plan to do this:

• Be present. Wherever I am. I don’t want to get so caught up in where I’m going next that I forget to enjoy where I am now.

• Focus on what’s good rather than what’s bad. Look for the positive in everything. This doesn’t come naturally to me.

• Take better care of myself.
-Rest
-eat lunch
-drink water (I barely drink any!)
-exercise more
-eat more whole foods
-don’t pursue rejection (I do this. It’s dumb. I don’t know why other than it’s really familiar and we all gravitate to the familiar.)
-alone time (This is something I have to be intentional about because it DEFINITELY doesn’t come naturally to me.)

• Pursue work that feeds my soul. Creativity feeds my soul.

• Do not invest in selfishness. In myself or in others.

• Remember that being a mother is another full time job. It’s ok that this is true.

(I’ve been doing this since 2005.)

2013 in a nutshell: Bittersweet. High highs and low lows. Or the year that I learned to trust again.

2013 was my most bittersweet year. I started to see redemption that I had previously only hoped for, not knowing exactly what that hope-realized would even look like. I also saw nearly everything in my life balanced carefully on a precipice, about to fall, about to be lost. My faith and ability to hope eluded me for awhile and things got really dark. I spent over a month in constant tears, lashing out like a wounded animal at everyone who tried to help me. Even with everything that happened with my marriage, I don’t think that I’ve ever dealt with so much fear. Because of everything that happened with my marriage, I had to relearn how to trust. It was hard.

Bitter
Somehow I forgot all that I’ve been through. How I begged God to save my marriage but what he gave me was something so much better. I forgot to be thankful for what I’ve been through and for the huge lessons I’ve learned. I think that even though all this time I’d been choosing to trust that things would be ok, I’d still been secretly believing that good things don’t happen to me. Too many difficult things built up and I stopped hoping that things could ever be better. I found myself more afraid than I’d ever been, feeling like I was going to lose it all.

I think this was all triggered by my fear of trusting Josh. When the newness of the relationship wore off and we started to face a little reality, I started to realize that the last thing I wanted to do was risk my heart again. I have a customer at the yarn shop who once told me about her divorce. She told me it took a full seven years before she was over it. I couldn’t believe that at the time, but now, halfway into year six, I’m seeing how many layers of loss and healing there are to peel through. But getting over a person and the way it tore my family a part seemed easy compared to letting myself risk it happening again. Relationships are such a relinquishment of power. Scary. And it’s been hard to see this relationship with a fresh lens rather than through the lens of my past.

To top it all off, the kid’s dad broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years in the exact way he ended things with me. Nearly to the letter. There were flashbacks that I never wished to relive. The kids had to go through anther divorce-like situation, having someone move out, losing again. It was really hard to watch and completely out of my control.

Sweet
Josh has been everything that I had ever hoped for but never knew was possible. He has been constant and steadfast, never wavering in his love or commitment to me. I know that it has been very hard on him to see me struggle, but he did exactly what I needed him to: He proved his love over and over again. It wasn’t fair, but it was exactly what I needed. He had to fight for my trust, but he’s earned it, completely. He’s done the same thing for the kids too. There were really difficult moments with them, but he was just as steadfast. He proved over and over to them, too, that they were loved, he was there for them and that things would be good.

We’ve had some amazing moments, bright and shining in my mind that have made the whole year worth it both with our community and together. I think about moments when his eyes would get all sparkly and I would know I was loved in ways that are still so foreign to me that I still can’t quite believe it’s actually true. I’m finally letting myself believe that I’m loved and on the same team with someone and that redemption is happening.

Travel
• We took the kids on their very first airplane trip to California. They got to fall in love with the ocean and Disneyland. We traveled up the coast to visit my friend Joelene and her family, stopping at every beach along the way. My friend Amy once told me that she starts to get itchy if she doesn’t see the ocean every year or so and now I feel the same way. I nearly cried when we left Hwy 1 and headed towards LA, craning my head for one last look at the ocean.
• in July we headed to Wyoming for the Thompson Family Reunion, the first on my mom’s side. Even though I might be the black sheepiest of the whole family, I was the only one who could manage to get everyone together. It was a significant time for me, looking at all my heritage, connecting to cousins that I haven’t seen in years and learning from my Uncle, the original black sheep, how to fit into my family.
• Went with Brooke and the kids on our annual Spring Break trip to Ouray.
• Josh and I went to the front range to see Churchill at the Ogden Theater and Shiny Toy Guns in Colorado Springs. Then for my birthday we got to see The Lumineers at Red Rocks.
• Camped with Caleb and Rickelle at Champman Dam Campground above Reudi Reservoir.
• Camped with 25 people in the desert, along the Green River for the first annual Riverpalooza.

We celebrated
• Eden’s 11th Birthday
• Carrie’s Baby Shower
• Eden being accepted in the Challenge Program
• Valentines day with a homemade brunch.
• Easter with lunch at Aunt Annie’s house.
• Caleb’s birthday
• Carrie’s 29th birthday.
• Brooke & Gunnison’s birthdays
• Rickelle’s birthday
• labor day weekend at the lake with Seth and Carrie
• Honor’s 10th Birthday.
• My 32nd Birthday
• Fall with two trips to the corn maze. One with the adults at night and one with the kids during the day.
• Josh’s 32nd Birthday
• Halloween with a pumpkin carving party and trick-or-treating downtown.
• The birth of my new nephew
• Thanksgiving at home with my mom and our traditional pie for breakfast followed by a hike.
• Seth’s 30th birthday.
• Early Christmas with my sister and her family.
• Christmas at our house with our first real tree.
• Brian’s birthday
• New Years Eve with poker at my house full of people we love.

Me
• I participated in the 21 Day Challenge twice, losing a decent amount of weight and body fat each time.
• Helped Brian plan and pull of The West, a one day, local leadership conference.
• Instituted a super-silly duck face week.
• Started to question some of my theology. This was a huge year for really examining what I believe and why.
• Started doing some design work on the side, got to design the billboard for Downtown Grand Junction and all of the holiday ads plus a bag for farmers market.
• Mysteriously injured my ribs in June and was unable to lift weights at the gym for the rest of the year. Cried about this more than once. Also, gained 10lbs.
• Knitted a whole slew of hats to sell at some of the local shops around town.
• Started doing a teeny bit of public speaking for the Good Samaritan Clinic.

We
• Instituted bimonthly date night trips to the nearby hot springs.
• Attended the first two meetings of the West Slope Supper Club.
• Had a baby. Ok, Carrie had a baby. But he’s mine too.
• rafted a lot
• Took the twinzies to the aquarium for their 4th birthday.

Josh
• Moved to Grand Junction to live closer to me. (a block and a half away to be exact.)
• Rented out a super cool office with Seth.
• Learned a little something about phpmyadmin from ME!
• Got a new tattoo for his birthday.
• Established himself as a member in our little community, making everyone fall in love with him.

Honor
• Saved up for a helicopter so he could fly one like Josh and Seth.
• Turned 10.
• Adopted some crayfish that he kept alive for several months until they tragically died when we got the house sprayed for black widows.
• Got glasses.
• Learned how to ride a bike.
• Took huge steps forward in his behavior and his general adjustment at life. I blame Josh for this.
• Got really into Minecraft and learned all kinds of things about programing and servers.

Eden
• Graduated from 5th grade.
• Started wearing adult sized clothes and shoes
• Turned 11
• Started middle school and started wearing (occasionally) makeup.
• Made a website.
• Sang the cups song at the school talent show.
• Had her first out-of-raft experience on a rapid in Glenwood Canyon. But Brian was with her and everyone lived.
• Got bit by a bug during Riverpalooza and got really sick with a high fever and really swollen bite. Was treated for Lyme disease. Still alive.
• Got accepted in to the honors choir at school. (Not her brothers choir, the choir for kids who are really good.)

House
• Josh helped me build a new headboard for my room and wire up a chandelier that I had found at a yardsale.
• Dug a legit firepit for the backyard.

Tangle
• Had a little makeover as we rearranged the shop.
• had underwater themed windows for the summer. The most loved of all of our window designs to date.
• Installed Knit on the Corner for the 4th year in a row.
• Celebrated our 7th birthday.
• Struggled a little bit through the summer as all of downtown felt the delayed effects of the economy but came back through fall and winter really strong.

Good Samaritan Clinic
• Decided that we didn’t want to continue to pay high rent for the clinic so moved a couple times into donated spaces.
• Hired me on as official staff at the church to run the clinic as my official role as Director.
• celebrated our 2nd year of offering free medical care to our community.
• Saw 430 patients.

Every picture I posted in 2013:

Some of my favorite tweets from last year:

Snow up to his neck

morning commute to Middle School

They love them some churros

woodworking project in the basement

Selling some hats on consignment at a few of the shops around town

Gifts for my teachers at Tangle – I have 18 of them!

Finished sweaters for the twinzies

Bridge between LoDo and LoHi in Denver.

Love Larimer Square

Breakfast at Snooze

took the twinzies to the aquarium for their 4th birthday.

I ordered the worlds largest Christmas Cards (designed by me!)

Fun, new toy at Tangle

Two giant Ikea bags full of Cotton Candy for Amy’s Christmas Party. (I love having my own cotton candy machine.)

love my tree

pecan brittle. the only holiday treat I made

Honor begged me for this nutcracker from Anthropologie. How was I to turn the boy down?

Love having a business partner that knits me gifts.

This light display, north of town, gets better every year.

stockings for Seth and Carrie and baby Elliott

fox jammies!

Ready.

handknit stockings don’t hold up super well to being packed full

playing with my new wacom tablet

It’s like Josh knows me.

Baby Elliott hanging out at Tangle while his mama helps with the Christmas windows.

The children both have iPods so they’re constantly texting me from the next room when they should be sleeping.

new duvet

I really don’t like the red Starbucks cups, so these reusable ones have been a good substitute. I realize I’m ridiculous.

Blueberry/cream cheese hand pies I made for Thanksgiving.

And apple pie.

We take any chance we can get to eat at Bin 707.

Pie for breakfast. The best tradition of Thanksgiving.

Followed by a hike. The second best tradition of Thanksgiving.

Tangle very early on Black Friday.

Everyone’s wish lists.

Our first year of having a real tree.

Happy 30th birthday, Seth!

digital billboard I designed for Downtown Grand Junction.

When I told Christina I wanted to do black and white for the theme of this year’s holiday windows, she wasn’t convinced, but I think that I’ve won her over…

We wrapped empty boxes with newsprint, made giant dahlias out of newsprint and black card stock. Sewed new curtains out of fabric from the shop, and made paper streamers from newsprint. A little gold spray paint added some sparkle. Carnations hanging from the ceiling were from Amazon and the rose trees were from Target. As I usually do, I knit stockings to go with the theme. These are knit from Cascade Magnum and big needles (the only way I like to knit these days.)

Photo by Seth Schaeffer, hand lettering by me!

Pumpkin Carving has become one of my favorite fall traditions. We pack my house out with friends and family and carve to our little heart’s content. First we eat chili with all of the fixins. Carrie made her famous chili. And I made a giant batch of Chicken Posole. This year Carrie came in and declared, “Happy Meet-iversary”. The pumpkin carving party last year was the first time I met Josh.

This tells me how behind I’m on my blog reading, I just found these pics on Carrie’s blog from our last trip to Highline lake.

Eden wearing makeup

Broncos games in the garage!

Billboard I designed for Downtown Grand Junction!

pretty downtown fountain

Sunset at the corn maze

Delicious, new downtown restaurant that serves all made from scratch salads, paninis and soup. Cafe Sol. love it.

fun with kids at the corn maze

Josh is an app and web developer so he has every device ever for testing.

love them

Josh on his birthday.

Mouse’s Chocolates in Ouray

Ouray in October. We drive 1.5hrs and leave fall and arrive in winter. Love this place.

Josh got a new tattoo for his birthday.

date night!

Photo by Seth Schaeffer

Visited my sister for a few days and I was in charge of dinners.

Love. Photo by Seth Schaeffer

I have several posts started about recent milestones in my life. I turned 32 last month, Honor turned 10 and I saw the 2 year anniversary of my divorce come and go. Possibly the most important milestone of them all has been 1 year of knowing Josh, which happened yesterday. There are so many ways that I can’t believe a year has passed. And then other ways that this year has seemed stretch out more than others. It’s been a hard but good year for me, full of personal growth that hasn’t always come easily.

I didn’t realize the work it would take to learn to trust again. Josh has had to prove himself to me in ways that haven’t been very fair to him, but so necessary for me. I’m so very thankful for how IN IT he has been with me, so patient and so present. We took a few minutes yesterday to reflect on the last year, each trying to name our favorite moments, shining memories from the past year. There are really too many to mention, but when I think about Josh, I think about his unwavering love and patience for me. I think about how much fun we’ve had and how perfectly we fit together. He’s something I’ve always wished for, but never really believed I could have. He tells me he loves me and I tell him how weird it is for me because I’m so not used to it. It’s taken me nearly a year to believe that I actually HAVE this amazing relationship, everything I’ve always wanted. I feel so lucky.

Super Serious photo by Seth.

Us, on my birthday, during a flash flood at the Lumineers concert at Red Rocks.

Honor on his 10th birthday