Today, after getting back from our bike ride (yep, in January it is nice enough to go on a bike ride, ahhh, the joys of living in Colorado) I was lounging on the couch when Eden was looking at the clock collection. She pointed to the number four and said, “mom, that’s 4″. I asked her, “Who told you that?” And she said, “Dora.”

I guess all those countless days I’ve had “backpack, backpack” stuck in my head have been worth it. She is one sharp kiddo.

I also wanted to thank you all for your kind and encouraging comments. They’ve really meant SO much to me. I can’t say how much I enjoy this website and the “community” that you’ve all made it into. I count it as one of the great things in my life.

spoken to the mean lady at the hospital and every mean person thereafter.

“GET A HAT FOR YOUR MOUTH CRAP BAG!!”

It’s been a tough week. A judgmental week. I posted last week what a hard time I was having with Honor. Which he quickly proved by making us go to the hospital. Well, nothing has really changed. Things just kind of suck. It’s hard to talk about things on my website because well, people read my website. But if I can’t say what I feel on my website, where can I say it? I need to have at least one place where I can really be myself, I need to say what I feel.

I pretty much always feel like I’m a crappy mom. There are things that I don’t do that I wish I would. I’d really like to teach Eden to recognize her letters. I really want to teach Honor more sign language. I want to be a better housekeeper, I want to be more organized and able to help more with the business. I wish I wouldn’t get so frustrated with these kids all the time too.

So feeling like I’m doing a rotten job is not helped by other peoples criticism and unwanted “advice”. I don’t know why I have a hard time with things that other people can do easily. But I do. It just makes it SO HARD to constantly have people point it out. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t leave trails of candy leading to the toilet so Honor will go play in it. And although my house is usually messy, we don’t live in a slum. I’m trying, really I am, I’m not doing great, but telling me so (or emailing me so) doesn’t help anything. It’s hard enough doing this without feeling like the whole world thinks I’m doing a bad job of it.

I don’t understand why, after I already admitted that I am having a hard time. certain people will go and kick me while I’m down. I don’t need to be told what I already know. I already know it. I don’t need the judgmental eye of the superior looking down on me. I’m doing a good enough job of judging myself.

Last night after youth group, some of the “sponsors” wanted to go out. This is usually something that we NEVER get to do, because our children don’t do well after 9pm. But then we realized that we’ve got an untapped resource. A teenager living at home whose curfew is 9:30. What have we been thinking all this time??? So, for the first time in what seems like forever, we went out with friends at late hours on a week night.

It felt like we were visiting a past life. It was really, truly strange. I almost felt like a kid who was sneaking out after curfew. And even though it wasn’t the funnest thing we’ve ever done, it was SO NICE to have a break! One of the hardest things about becoming a parent is that you loose all sense of self. I’ve become so dedicated to my children, that I’ve totally lost who I was before they were here. It’s nice that I’m starting to regain some of that. I think that is why last night was so enjoyable.

I’ve finished my mittens! And I’ve discovered the power of blocking. When reading the word mittens, you must pronounce it in your head the way I say it. Enunciate every syllable. Mi-tt-en-s.

I know that everyone says that blocking makes things nice, but good night! it makes them SOOO nice. Amazing. I think that the wool/silk blend of the yarn helps too. I just want to wear my mittens all day long. They’re so comfy! And they match my hat and scarf that I made awhile back.

Eden’s quote of the week (remember she’s 2.)

In response to being told to put her laundry away.

“I don’t have time for this.”

I just got back from the ER. Before you start to worry, everyone’s ok. Today, in true Honor fashion, Honor and I spent 4 hours in the ER. For the ONE MINUTE that I went into the bedroom, Honor managed to unzip my purse, get into my container of Ibuprofen and eat them all. I’m estimating that he ate close to 1600 – 2000 mg of Ibuprofen. I wasn’t sure what to do, it seems that I always overreact about these things, so I called Jim who told me to take him to the hospital. Luckily Jen had slept in and was still not at school therefore able to watch Eden.

Honor and I rushed to the hospital, me in yesterdays tee and jeans, Jim’s hat, dress shoes and mascara smeared underneath my eyes. Honor in white jammys that he had managed to spill orange juice on the butt (don’t ask me how), and socks. Now lets talk about our hospitals parking. We have this fantastic hospital here in Grand Junction, it has won all these awards and is ranked really high, but there is NO where to park. What am I supposed to do when my son breaks into my purse and takes all the Ibuprofen and I can’t park anywhere? So I just made my own parking space on the side of the road, I mean, what do they expect me to do?

We arrived at the ER where the great wait began. They really should call it the Waiting Room, not the Emergency Room. He was seen quickly by a nurse and then the doctor saw him probably half an hour later. By then Jim had shown up (having had to park a block away.) The doctor determined that Honor should be ok, but he wanted him to drink some charcoal and stay there for 4 hours under observation. FUN! Jim decided that I would be ok (ha!) and decided to get back to work.

The nurse that brought Honors charcoal must not have children because she mixed the stuff with Coke. What person in their right mind gives a 1 year old boy caffeine? I decided not to say anything, because I didn’t want to wait for her to make new stuff. I don’t know if you’ve ever had to drink charcoal, but the stuff looks disgusting. I wasn’t brave enough to try it. I managed to get about one third of it down him, but let me tell you, that room will never be the same. Honor, a straw and black goo liquid are not a good combination. I forgot to check if some got on the ceiling, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it made it all the way up there. By that point we had at least two more hours of waiting and the caffeine was starting to take effect. The child is bad enough with out caffeine!

I asked the nurse to get Honor some lunch, it was noon and the bottomless pit is always easier to handle when full. We didn’t get his lunch until 10 minutes before the doctor let us go (about 1:30pm). Wanna take a guess at how fantastic my afternoon was. corralling a hungry, drugged boy in a teeny tiny room? I’ve been sufficiently punished for leaving my purse at Honor height. Although, if he really wanted to get it, I know he can find a way. Remember, he is a professional.

Here is the cherry on top of my wonderful day: As we were (finally) leaving the hospital, a woman looked us up and down and told me “That baby should be wearing a hat.” It was 50 degrees out, I was feeling hot in my coat. I hate that I never think of responses until it it too late. To that woman I wish I would have said, “It’s too bad you’re not his mother.”
Do you hear me mean woman??? It’s too bad you’re not his mother and you could have spent 4 hours with him flinging charcoal/coke all over the teeny tiny room, only to leave and smother him with a too warm hat!

So, we’re all fine. Honor is sleeping now. And I am trying to prepare myself for the onslaught that will ensue when he wakes up. We really do need to get that boy a cage.

The last thing anyone could call Eden is graceful. I think it comes with being two, you’re just not used to your feet yet. The other night at youth group, Eden ran into a chair and ended up with a black eye. I should have taken a picture yesterday, because today it’s almost better and not showing up in a photo.

Instead, I can show you a picture of Honor sitting ON TOP of the table eating some play-doh.

Just a normal image of my everyday life. Notice Eden is showing off the birthday cake she made.

A couple of things…

Michelle (chicken flicken) is not able to participate in the swap, she just found out that she’s moving at the end of the month.

So just make 12 squares, the scarves will still be long enough.

Also, a couple of us have posted our progress at Ktog (knit together), so check it out!

In my effort to be more “dooce”[aka open and honest about everything] on this website, I’m going to try to write about this.

I don’t know what to do with Honor. Jim puts it best, “Honor is good at what he does.” Seriously, the child is a professional destroyer. I just can’t keep up with him. He goes from one thing to the next destroying as he goes. I just don’t know what to do with him. I feel that some changes need to be made around here, but I don’t know what to change. Or maybe how to change? I need to figure out a way to keep him contained. Or at least keep the mess contained. I just don’t see any options. He is lucky that he is so stinking cute, sometimes you can’t help but laugh at the guy as he’s sitting in the middle of a sopping wet toilet water mess. I love the kid, I really do, but I think I’m about to lose it.