Look what came in the mail yesterday!! Oh, Blingo, how I love you!

The side view, isn’t it so tiny?

I also wanted to thank you all for your input on yesterdays post. I guess I was a little surprised that so many of you felt the same way as I did. It is sort of sad! So many people are looking for a “spiritual home” and none of us have found it yet. I’m going to keep pondering this and will probably have more to say in the coming weeks.

The numbness has worn off and I’m in pain. And I shouldn’t be. It’s not quite the pain that I had Sunday, but a pain that Vicodin won’t touch, nonetheless. I’m gong back to the dentist in about 45 minutes. YAY.

Well, I sit here and type this with my numb mouth. Really, the root canal wasn’t too bad. With all the braces and mouth surgeries I’ve had, it didn’t seem bad at all. The dentist was done so quick, in less than an hour, that he offered to fill a cavity next to the root canal tooth. I thought, “What the hell? I’m already in it for 1600 dollars, what’s another couple hundred towards the dentist’s Ferrari fund?” You’d think they’d give me a discount for the filling; I was already numb and everything. But, nope, I paid full price for this baby.

One thing I come away from this knowing, when this tooth gets paid off, or hopefully even before then, I’m gong to start a medical savings account. We just need to plan on these things being a monthly expense so it doesn’t hit so hard when it happens. Ahh, the joys of being an adult… a self-employeed, uninsured adult.

Yesterday, I woke up at 7:00am (so really 6:00am to my body – thanks Daylight Savings Time) with the most terrible toothache of my life. It was like the kind of sharp excruciating pain that makes you want to scream, except you can’t scream because your tooth is killing you. I quickly took a Darvocet that I had leftover from something or the other and sprayed the tooth with some Chloraseptic to numb it. The Chloraseptic gave me about 20 seconds of relief before the pain came back and I wanted to smash my head into the wall.

I was trying not to wake Jim up, but finaly I woke him up and asked him to call the dentist. All this happened between sprays of Chloraseptic – it was starting to make me sick but it was the only way I could handle the pain. Seriously, I told Jim that I’d rather be having a baby than suffering that toothache. The dentist called me in some Vicodin and some antibiotics and Jim got me a shot of Vodka to hold in my mouth.

Vodka at 8:00am, when you’re feeling sick to begin with, is not very enjoyable. I finally couldn’t handle it any more and tried just holding some water in my mouth. Surprisingly it helped. And it’s what I did for the next 4 hours. I took another Darvocet around 9:00am, and just sat there watching the clock, with a mouthful of water, waiting for 45 minutes to pass so I could get some relief. It didn’t help. And I just started to cry, which was really hard with a mouthful of water. I was so frustrated by the pain and the lack of relief, I was worried that I wasn’t going to be able to sleep and that I’d be up all night, holding water in my mouth. I just couldn’t take it. Honor was sitting on the couch, and he kept asking, “Mommy are you crying?” And he started to cry. I felt so bad, he was worried about me. And he was being so sweet, giving me hugs and touching my cheek.

Finally, after two Vicodin and some antibiotics, I threw up. And for some reason, my tooth started to feel better. (I think the antibiotics started to help.) I was finally able to sleep. Since then it’s gotten better and better. Although, I’m still taking Vicodin every 4 hours, I’m scared for the pain to come back.

I went to the dentist this morning, and I have to have a root canal. A SIXTEEN HUNDRED DOLLAR root canal. Either that or have my tooth pulled. So I went ahead and scheduled it for Wednesday, but I’m sitting here thinking, is my tooth worth $1600? That’s like a down payment on a car. I think I’m going to go ahead and do it, but geeze this sucks. I’m just glad I’m not dying from pain anymore.

Since I can’t type, you can enjoy some photos of Eden. (My wrist is starting to feel better though!)

My hand has really been bothering me, so I’m going to try my hardest to keep myself from typing AND knitting. I’m not sure if I can avoid either, but I’m gonna try. I’ll still be around if anyone needs me.

I’ve been enjoying my limited moments alone recently, like when I’m in the shower or driving to the grocery store. There’s been a lot on my mind lately and hardly enough peace and quiet to process everything. Last week, I was suddenly hit by a very strong feeling that a change was coming, that I was going to experience some sort of a loss in my life. It didn’t freak me out though, I just felt very calm and thoughtful about it.

It now seems like a loss may be happening. It makes me a little sad. I’m not ready for things to change in my life. My mom always says that I handle change very well. I suppose that I do, but I really prefer for change to happen when I’m ready for it. It seems like the last great loss I experienced in my life (church) came at a time that I really wasn’t ready for it either. Sure, nobody likes change, but usually I can convince myself that it will be good and that I want it.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about a relationship in our lives that has the potential to be made right again. It scares the crap out of me. I’m not sure if I can have my heart broken again. I am filled with dreams of happier times. Optimism that sees everything that could be good. And Cynicism that sees everything painful. Skepticism that wonders what lies have we been told? And by who? Have we believed something all along that wasn’t true, simply because the truth was withheld from us? I think it’s probably a mixture of everything and nothing.

What Could Be might be really good, or very bad or really both. Maybe I want to stay in the dark with my dreams of What Could Be rather than face the reality?

I suppose that life isn’t good when it’s stagnant. But it seems like when things are going good, that you just want to stay in that place and enjoy the peace for awhile. I guess that’s the point though, enjoy it when it’s good and when things get hard, you put on your armor and power through. I think I can do that.

Yesterday I got a phone call from the manager of the Bresnan office here. He profusely apologized for all the trouble we’ve been through and offered some compensation for our troubles. So it seems that sometimes when you yell loud enough, people listen.

We have our DVR. Did Bresnan call us to say, “Hi your DVR is in, we’ll have a technician out to install it at our earliest convenience.”? No. Did they call to say, “Your DVR is in, come pick it up?” No. Did I call to get a huge run around to finally find out they’re in? Yes.

We just got back from spending 45 minutes at the local office trying to sort everything out. Trust me it was quite a mess. When we finally got our DVR, there was something on our account that they couldn’t fix that would cause it to not work. So with guarantees that they’d fix it, we were given some free Pay-Per-View coupons and sent on our way. We got two coupons. We can only use one a month and the expire March 31, 2006. Thanks Bresnan Communications. All I have to say is that if I can’t watch Battlestar Gallactica tonight, my last fit is going to be nothing compared to the wrath I’m going to unleash.

There’s not a whole lot going on here today. I’m still not quite at 100%, although I do feel pretty good, it’s just this congestion in my ears. It’s maddening. I am waiting anxiously to hear that my friend Jill has had her baby.

I’m also starting to formulate my plan for everything I have planned to knit. I’m working on a few patterns for the store, wanting to knit my new yarn and knitting a whole bunch of stuff for all the new babies coming soon. All of this without the benefit of being able to watch Martha on a DVR while I knit. (Bresnan will be getting another call from me today.)

Honor got his haircut Saturday. Or I should say, we held him down and forced a haircut upon him. Poor little guy, he’s pretty terrified of the clippers. But I absolutely refuse to let him have longer hair than Eden, it’s just not fair. I do have to say, he’s sort of cute.