Eden: “Hey, why did you put your flower sheets on, where are your blue sheets?”
Me: “I changed them because the blue sheets were dirty.”
Eden: “‘Cause Daddy peed on the blue sheets?”

Me: “Eden tell Grammy what happens when little kids go into the liquor store.”
Eden: “They go to jail.”
Me: “And what happens in jail.”
Eden: “They get knocked up.”
I very quickly add, “She means LOCKED up.”

Upon realizing that the kids are very quiet, Jim goes to investigate. He finds both of them sitting side by side on their bedroom floor. “What are you doing?”
Eden: “We’re watching Cinderella, it’s just pretend.”

Jim: You look cute.
Me: I do not, I’m fat.
Jim: You look really good in those jeans.
Me: But this (pointing to my stomach.)
Jim: Whatever I’ve seen girls with much bigger guts than that.

And then I watch his face as the realization of what he just said washes over him.

While waiting in the car –

Eden: “I want to go into the store with daddy.”

Me: “Sorry sweetie, you can’t go into the liquor store.”

Eden: “Because they might lick me?”

If my love for you was boobs, they’d have to make a bra for it so big that even Jupiter couldn’t fill it, the sun couldn’t fill it….

Honors head couldn’t fill it.

“Mom, sometime when I get big, I’m going to have big, big, BIG boobs, like you and I can wear a bra.”

-Eden

On the way to bed, Eden let out a big, huge burp,

“My mouth tooted.”

While changing a really gross diaper.

Jim: mmm, doesn’t that smell yummy?

Eden: do you want me to get a spoon?

This is what Eden said to me yesterday,

“Mom, you have a big, big BUTT.”

“Why do you always make me burp when I kiss you? You’re like Soda.”

Last night, out of the blue Jim said, “I really want to try one of those Subway Fresh Toasted Subs.” I started giggling. “What?” He said. I keep giggling, now clutching my stomach. “Well, I do.”

Hours later, we’re in bed.

I start giggling again. “What was it you said about Subway? You know I’m going to write about it on my website.” He says, “Nobody is going to think it’s funny, they’ll all probably say that they want to try a Fresh Toasted Sub too.”