I’ve been having this ongoing battle with Eden over keeping her hair clean. She is not a big fan of showers and getting her to take one was always a big fight. That was until I came up with the brilliant idea to bribe her. At the beginning of the summer I told her that she could get a feather in her hair if she could take responsibility for caring for her hair. She has done a great job showering nearly every day and brushing her hair. I’m a genius!

Today she got to get her feathers and was SO excited. Isn’t she cute?

As all of my friends started to have children, it became really apparent that we all share different views on parenting. In some cases, I saw myself grow apart from people because we did things so differently. It’s hard to say “no” to your kids when your friend is simultaneously saying “yes” to theirs and vise versa.

Parenting opinions can be so divisive. If there is anything we parents feel strongly about, it’s how to raise our kids. And when someone says/does something in direct opposition to what we believe, it’s hard not to react to that. It’s hard not to judge another parent when they are doing something that you wouldn’t do.

I have a friend who is having a baby soon and she has been thinking a lot about the way she plans to parent. In talking to her, I’m starting to realize that we all parent differently because we are all such different people. Our kids are so different. In parenting we have to be who we are, not what some book says we should be or who our family has modeled for us to be, but who we inherently are.

I know so many wonderful mothers, who are SO different. Who raise their kids SO differently. And I think when we start to accept that everyone is different, that we all do what we believe to be best for our kids and we decided to trust each other that we know what we are doing with our families, our friendships don’t have to be compromised by the difference in our parenting techniques. Parenting philosophies don’t have to be so alienating.

I think, in general, we (as humans) don’t trust each other enough. I think it’s so easy to judge someone because you would do/look/act/speak differently. I’ve often found myself in a situation that I had previously judged and discovered that the way the person had acted was pretty much what I end up doing myself. I think about “judge not lest you be judged” and I find that it’s my previous judgments that come back and judge me. Especially in parenting.

So the work I’m reminding myself to do now is TRUST my fellow humans. The benefit of the doubt goes a long way. So does a little measure of grace. For some reason, these are all things that we don’t come by naturally, but they are of so much value.

The kids have been struggling some. Honor shows it the most in his behavior. It’s been a real challenge for me to remain patient and consistent. Right now, managing them has been such a constant job. I know it’s tricky for smaller kids who feel sad but don’t know how to process it so they just end up acting out. Eden has an easier time of vocalizing how she is feeling, but struggles more with going back and forth between the two houses. I tried so hard to protect them from this.

My friend Carrie has been such a Godsend in their lives. She is like the fun older sister and they just LOVE her. She tucks them in whenever she is at our house during bed time and reads stories will all the really good voices. She also can get through to them in ways that I never can.

I’m just realizing how much it really does take a village to raise kids and how important it is for me to let other people help and step in and impart things to my kids that I can’t. Honor has been craving dude-time now that he lives with a bunch of girls (something that he complains about frequently) and it has been wonderful to see different guys in our lives step in to hang out with him.

I’m kind of in the trenches right now with these two, but I know that God has a plan for us, something good, and I think my kids are starting to believe that too.

The Sunscreen Song was on the radio today. The last time I heard it was seven years ago (SEVEN!) when I was graduating. I listened to it today as I drove, seething mad at Honor. He had stepped in puppy poop and purposely smeared it all over the house, just as we were heading out the door. PURPOSELY.

As I was listening to the song, I wondered if the last time I heard it I would have imagined that seven years later I’d be driving in a car pissed as hell at my two year old? Is life what I wanted it to be seven years ago? I was graduating high school, in love with a man I knew I wanted to marry, and the possibilities of my life were endless. I can’t help but think that those possibilities for my life are less endless than they were seven years ago.

I know that I’m mad, I know that I’m frustrated, and I know that it won’t last. I also know that I’m tired of scrubbing things off the carpet. But how can I say that this isn’t the life I wanted? I guess I can say it, but how can I mean it?

Maybe you need to question your choices to know that you’ve made the right ones?

I’ve been thinking lately about the natural progression of change we go through when we become mothers. We spend nine months in anxious anticipation and pee-your-pants-excitement to meet our new child. We think more about what we consume, start to worry about the what if’s, and begin changing our lives to suite a little one.

Then the baby is born. Everything we’ve been preparing for the last nine months, all our hopes and fears, everything, it’s done. And it’s a bit overwhelming. Just the very thought of something bad happening to our child can send us into tears. All the sudden we realize that our entire life is ALL about them and not really anything else.

I think as we live our lives completely for our children, there’s a point we get to, and I think it’s different for all of us, that we realize that we used to be a different person and start to miss that person. It happened for me after I had Honor. I was suddenly living my life for TWO little people and I think it was a little overwhelming. I wanted time for myself and I wanted just a minute of uninterrupted solitude. I wanted time with just me and my husband. And I felt really selfish.

Sometimes I still feel selfish, maybe I AM selfish. But there’s got to be a balance. My life isn’t all about me, but I think it’s ok if it’s a little about me.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the judgement we pass on each other. When it comes down to it, we are all deeply flawed. I guess I don’t understand the part of human nature that prompts us to point out those flaws in each other. I think it becomes even harder when parenting choices come into question. I know a lot of us go into parenting totally naive. We think that things should be a certain way and judge all the others who do it differently.

I know personally, I went into parenting with very strong views about staying home (ala Dr. Laura). How I regret the judgement I passed on moms needing to work. I think many times we judge what we don’t understand. And I think that once I entered the situation where I needed to work the few hours that I do, more for my mental health than my financial health, I began to understand why some moms work. Honestly, I can’t count the words I’ve eaten.

I still believe that there are absolutes, there are rights and wrongs, but I think many times, we make our view of “absolutes” too broad. I think that unless you see someone crossing that absolute line, that we should have more faith in our fellow parents ability to do their job their own way. This doesn’t mean that I don’t hold standards, I hold many of them. But I guess I’m trying to get to the point where I think long and hard before holding anyone but myself up to those standards.

“What if Honor was twins?”

“Oh, good Lord… if Honor was twins it would have been a sign of the coming apocalypse.”

This is what I found yesterday in the kitchen. Just a small taste of Honor’s recent behavior. I’m grasping at straws here to try to figure out what to do with the kid. I think he just gets bored and then wanders around the house. He finds something and thinks, “this looks fun” and then pours/smears it all over the place.

I’m trying to figure out how to keep the kid interested in his toys. If anyone has any suggestions on how to deal with a kid like Honor, I’ll listen. I was trying to pick Jim’s brain last night because his is the closest brain I know to Honor’s brain. He finally said, “sweetie, I’m sorry… you’re just screwed.” Thanks babe. Thanks.

Be thinking of salad recipes, I’ll have more next week.

I finished the One Skein Wonder last weekend. I’ll post pics of it whenever the time correlates that Jim is here to take a picture and I don’t look like a slob.

Thanks to Joelene who inspired me to knit one and for the suggestions on changing the ribbing. Joelene’s the bestest!

Things are pretty even keel here, I’m just trying to figure out how to deal with a strong willed baby. Holy cow! is he a stinker these days. I know what it’s like to want your way, but come on HONOR! you’re not even two yet! My mom always said that my sister was in payment for my uncles childhood because he didn’t have any kids. I think I’m being paid back for my sisters actions as a child. NOT FAIR! But there’s one in every family right? I think it’s Gods way of keeping things….. interesting (and by interesting I mean… INSANE).

Have a good weekend everybody, I promise that I’ll be a better blogger next week.

Yesterday I came home to find a note from our teenager. She moved out. This all started a couple of weeks ago when we sat her down and laid out some new rules. We have been unhappy with some of the choices she was making and wanted to let her know what the future consequences would be. After experiencing one consequence (losing her phone for a day), she decided that she couldn’t “take” it and moved out.

We haven’t talked to her, we don’t know where she is. We’re both a little angry that she just gave up, but there’s not a lot we can do. The only real authority we had in her life is what she allowed us. It’s a scary thing when a teenager can do whatever they darn well please. It’s just no fun being the bad guy all the time when all we’re trying to do is what’s best for her.

So anyway, today I’m feeling very thankful that my children are 1 and 3, I’m thinking of what we can do with our basement now that’s it’s not inhabited for the first time in over a year, and I’m going to go make myself some Starbucks with half and half and whipped cream.

I’m getting ready to watch my friend Melissa’s kids who are approximately the same ages as my kids. If you never hear from me again, you’ll know what happened.

We traded, yesterday she watched my kids, today I’m watching hers for an hour and Friday I will watch them for four hours. Friday I’m watching my friend Tara’s kids too, so that means 3 one year olds, 1 three year old, one 2 year old and one 4 year old. Yes, I am THAT crazy.

Monday one of our employees quit, which caused a huge upset, he was a friend before he was an employee. Poor Jim, he’s had so much to stress about before all this, and now his workload has doubled. I wish I could help him more. I’m thinking about working one more half day a week, that would make it 3 half days/week. I could help free up both Jim and his business partner, so they can focus on their most important tasks.

I go back and forth about leaving my babies, but I’m going to work during nap time, so I won’t be missing much. I think for the time being, it’s just a “sacrifice” we need to make. The business is just on the verge of doing REALLY well, and I need to take the next couple of months to help it get over the “hump”.

I think the reason I struggle with leaving the kids is that I NEVER saw myself as being a working mom. I’ve always strongly advocated staying at home. I’ve definitely changed my stance to a degree; I see that I do SO much better if I get a break from my kids. I have a hard time self motivating and having to be somewhere three days a week helps so much. Some people are just so much better at being home all the time and being organized with it; it’s been kind of hard figuring out that I’m not one of those people. I’ve expected myself to be, but I’m just not.

As long as the kids seem happy and I don’t feel like I’m slacking on my job as a parent, we’ll try this. We’re just taking it a month at at time to see how it works. I want everyone in my family to be happy, even me.