I think that in the course of his 3 year life, he has not been able to eat anything without making a mess. Anything.

Honor plus scissors equals:

yes, that is a handknit sock.

Yesterday Honor pooped in the potty all by himself. Today he did too.

It almost makes up for Monday when he smeared poop all over himself.

Almost.

Friday Jim took the day off and we had a nice leisurely day of shopping at Target and drinking coffee. We came home and put the kids down for a nap and I walked over to get a pattern from the yarn store while Jim took a little nap of his own. Little did we know that when we thought Honor was sleeping, he was instead finger painting with the contents of his diaper. All over the carpet. Again. I guess he got bored with it, because he decided to go ahead and take his nap, commando.

And that’s how I found him. Sleeping peacefully with poop smeared EVERYWHERE. I just turned right around and walked away… for his own safety. So I decided that I didn’t want to scrub any more poop off the carpet. I think that this is the fourth? time he did this? And I decided that I was done. So I convinced Jim that we needed to rip out the carpet. RIGHT THAT MINUTE. And that’s what we did. I had peeled up a tiny bit of the carpet around the heating duct and saw what I thought was a pretty decently finished hardwood floor. But, yeah, not so much. What I actually found was this:

(Sorry, no photos of the room with carpet, I’m trying real hard to keep from posting pictures of feces on the internet.)

By this point, Jim was quite unhappy. So I dug through the paint closet and found some leftover paint from the kids walls. He helped me get all the carpet tack up and I got the floor all cleaned up and the first coat of paint on it. We ran to Home Depot to wait in line for 45 minutes for more paint and then got more coffee and came back home to finish the floor.

It was seriously the easiest project I’ve ever done. (Thankfully.) And it’s left me with a renewed desire for home improvement. I’ve got plans for all the walls in my house now. I’m just afraid any other project will tarnish the memory of this perfect project. If only Honor would poop on the floor more often. Yeah. Not really.

The other night Jim was doing dishes and chucked a wet, slimy paper towel at me. I peeled it off my arm and chucked it back at him and of course, missed. I went to go clean up my arm as he continued to do dishes and I assumed that he’d peel the towel off the wall. He didn’t. I just found it today. yuck.

And the winner is… A tie! Tish and Joelene. They both gave him three days. Email me with your address Tish (I already have Joelenes) and I’ll mail you out your prize! Here’s a hint, it will be something in the yarn department!

Honor decided that he need to smear foot cream all over my bedroom carpet and my bed. Then he went to the bathroom to wash his hands IN THE TOILET. Then, just for kicks, he dumped the whole roll of toilet paper in the toilet.

I think Joelene’s prize will be HONOR. If I ship him next day air, he should make it just fine…

Last night, as I stepped over the hot pink stains from the princess toothpaste Honor had squeezed on the kids’ bedroom carpet to make sure he was covered up, I thought, “The reason they are so sweet when they are sleeping is to deter their parents from strangling them while they sleep.”

So the plumber came out today to fix the toilet. We were hoping that the reason it was overflowing was all the extra rain we got last week. But it didn’t get better, it got worse. So 110 dollars later, we find out why the toilet was clogged. It seems that SOMEBODY flushed a washcloth down the toilet. I wonder WHO that could be?

The stupid toilet is backing up. This happens once in awhile, just one of the joys of owning an old house. But, good Lord, this stuff always seems to happen at the worst times! I guess it could have been worse and happened the night of the fiesta. Yes, that would have been worse…

It’s amazing how the weather changes around here. Monday night I went out and picked all my tomatoes out of the garden, the first frost should be here any day. The kids enjoyed running around in the brisk weather and I let them continue to play while I kept an eye on them from the kitchen. Jim was having a bad day, so I made him some cupcakes and one of his favorite meals, enchilada casserole. Just as I was about to pull the cupcakes out of the oven, Honor came in yelling, “Shoe, Shoe!” and proceeded to walk all the way through the kitchen to me. He’d stepped in very fresh dog poop and tracked everywhere.

I wonder, how many times in my life will I clean up poop from places it doesn’t belong? Fun!

So, this weekend when we were watching a tivo’d episode of Star Trek the Next Generation (NERDS!), Eden was sweetly coloring on a coloring book and Honor was sweetly coloring the ENTIRE HOUSE. I knew when we picked up that pack of crayons at evil Walmart for $.10 that I should spend the extra money and buy washable crayons. But they were ten cents, I figured it would be ok. A calculated risk. A stupid risk.

So we were watching Star Trek, learning about things like subspace fields and deflector dishes when we realized that Honor was strangely quiet. Jim went to investigate. The pictures didn’t turn out, but he found the entire surface of the kitchen decorated in hues of blue and green artistic scribbles. We’re talking, everything at Honor height, the stove, the fridge, the dishwasher, the walls, the cabinets. Later we found that he took a trip down stairs and decorated on his way down. He even got Eden’s turd computer monitor.

It was SO our fault. See, I think the problem is that we’re expecting him to be like Eden, and he’s just not. It would be nice, but he’s just not. It is absolutely against he nature to stay out of trouble. Honor will just always be… ornery. I need to just keep that in mind and come running whenever he’s not in my sight.

All I have to say is, I’m buying stock in the magic sponge. It got every speck of crayon off. That and I’m going to install a tracking beacon in Honor, so I can always locate him. Tracking beacon, another thing I learned from Star Trek.