“Children always know when someone doesn’t want to be around them and they act accordingly. As adults we sort of loose that.”

One of my knitting instructors said this to me today while we were talking about dysfunctional family relationships.

It was something that I really needed to hear as I’ve seems I’ve lost all of my childhood resiliency. I’ve struggled so much lately with the thought of friendship. It was like one day I woke up and found myself incredibly lonely. I’ve scrutinized myself relentlessly wondering if I’m not friendly enough, not approachable, not cool, not interesting. Wondering if I was difficult to love and what it was about me that made me difficult to love.

I haven’t come to a healthy conclusion. But I know that i need to thicken up my skin a bit and relearn how to be resilient. And I need to learn how to be content with being alone too.