Herein lies my problem: I expect too much. I shouldn’t expect anything. Out of anyone.

One thing that I’m noticing about myself is that I have a very strong sense of right and wrong. And I tend to view the world as it “should be” rather than how it really is. This usually leads to disappointment on my end. So I’ve been struggling with the balance of learning not to expect people to be as they should and still knowing that there is some sort of “black and white” to the world.

Looking at the world in black and white is probably not the best idea either. I’ve always been very upfront – you’re either this or you’re that. Nothing in between. But I think that idea doesn’t give people the chance to be complicated, and if there is anything most people are, it’s complicated.

So I find myself back where I always start. It’s sort of frustrating to me that I just can’t get it. I want very badly to just accept people for exactly who they are. And when “who they are” causes me pain or disappoints me, it sends me into this confusing spiral of trying to make sense of it all, feeling like I have been terribly let down and feeling like I shouldn’t have wanted anything from them in the first place.

I tend to look for reliability, trust, support, acceptance and respect in my relationships. It doesn’t seem like that should be too much to expect, but in reality it’s way too much. I try my very best to live up to my own standards, but even I can’t meet them all the time.

I hate being flawed.

I hate making myself miserable with disappointment.

And what I really hate the most is that I just can’t find the switch that turns me into someone who is never disappointed because I’m someone who never expects anything.

Forgot to tell you earlier, but there’s a big super bowl sale at Tangle. It’s only 3 hours starting at noon MST.