My friend Carrington requested that I write deeper thoughts on this here blog of mine. It’s funny she says that because I’ve had a lot of “deeper thoughts” lately but have had a hard time putting them to words… and a hard time being willing to share them with the world. But as I change… grow… become a real live adult, I find it really important to be frank about my process and really important to look at every aspect of myself, not just the good parts I’m comfortable with the world seeing.

A very dear friend recently experienced a huge tragedy. Living with her in it has caused me to realize a few things.
1. Life is really messy. We all have brokenness, we all live through tragedies – over and over. There is never going to be a point in our lives where we have it all together. And if we do manage to achieve that point, it will last for about 4 seconds.

In crisis we need community. We need to be safe and loved and have people that will never abandon us. Sometimes we just need to sit with each other in our messes. And even if we are deeply flawed (just like everyone else) we are still capable of using our brokenness to shine on somebody else. (I think it’s vitally important to give of ourselves, even when we are feeling like we have nothing to give. We gain perspective into our own lives when we see others lives in pieces. Perspective is very important.)

2. God is real. I am finally learning to trust him and trust that he is only good. Even if I can’t always see his big picture. Maybe more on this another time. But I would have to recommend a book by Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. This irreverent look at the “big picture” and God’s story for our lives has been one of the most life-changing books I’ve ever read. As soon as I finished it, I had to immediately re-read it.

3. While I have never thought this about myself, I am actually an eternal optimist. Or maybe I have turned into one. Hope is something that I can’t let go of. Something SO powerful that gets us through impossibilities. There is something amazing about waking up in the morning to a new day where anything can happen and life can surprise you. There is something about knowing that the horrific moment you are living will soon be the past and you will look upon it and realize it is over and you lived though it and you are so strong and you can live through anything. There is something about knowing the crisis you are experiencing is making you the person you were designed to be and that when you come out the other side of it you will be thankful for it (if only a teeny bit) because it opened your eyes and shook up your world and life can never be the same again.
This is usually hard to see in the midst of tragedy, but it is true.