Today I am abundantly thankful for our ability to change. (Thanks Carrie for giving my thankfulness words today.) I’m so thankful for the desire to live a better life, to be a better person. I’m thankful that God created us to grow, learn, change, adapt – that where we find ourselves today can always be different tomorrow.

Last Thanksgiving I had scheduled an appointment with a therapist and was so hopeful for the change that I knew therapy would bring about. The changes that happened were entirely different than the ones I expected to happen, but I think that was part of the lesson I’ve had to learn: patience and learning to let go of expectations.

Five years ago yesterday my life completely changed, I just didn’t know yet. I was driving home through the mountains scared, hurt and totally drained. I’d gone over to the front range to try and help a family member, and everything fell apart (including me). I remember driving as fast as I could to get home because with my family was the only place I knew I was safe. Little did I know someone was making a choice in that very moment that would set the course for the rest of my life.

The day before Thanksgiving will always be a bit of a sad memory for me. But also a memory I will always cling to. Because I know that I lived through that day. I know that I lived through the choices made that day and the events that were set into motion as a result. I know that I can change. I know that whatever crisis may come in my life (whether real or self-inflicted) I can make it through. Therapy gave me the skills to make it through. God gave me the strength and the ability.

I am so thankful that I made it here, eyes wide open, ready to change and learn and grow.

I’d kind of forgotten what it was like to live with someone… to have that constant companionship, constant feedback. Now that Carrie and Seth have been living with me for a consistent month, I’m starting to come alive in different ways. I am such a social person and even though I finally learned to be alone and really be ok with it, it is so good for me to be surrounded by a community. It’s so good for the kids too.

Earlier this week our neighbors opened up to us about something going on in their lives. As she told us their heartbreaking story, her voice broke and tears came to her eyes. And tears immediately came to my eyes too. There is something so significant about moments of vulnerability, when someone lets you into their pain, or their joy. When you’re vulnerable with someone you open up your heart to them and in turn give them a chance to open up their heart to you. When someone is vulnerable with you, it connects your heart in unexplainable ways and you start to see them differently. I think vulnerability is the only way to have real, deep relationships. The situation turned completely around for our neighbors and yesterday they were able to tell us their happy news, again bringing us all to tears.

The lesson that I’m learning is that more than anything, we were made to live in community. We were made to share in people’s heartaches and celebrations. We aren’t islands. Life is about mourning and dancing and so many times we are doing both at the same time. And that means that life can be really messy. I am eternally thankful for the friends who have walked with me through my mourning, who loved me when my life was such a beautiful mess…the friends who celebrated with me a month ago when a new chapter in my life began. I’m thankful that I’ve been learning to open my heart up and let people see my pain because that has connected me to them in amazing ways. I know now that this is the only way I can do relationships – everything else is a counterfeit to the real thing. It’s so hard to open yourself up and make yourself vulnerable. But it’s always, always worth the risk. Living in community is always worth the risk.

1 Tbs olive oil
1 medium yellow onion chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 green bell pepper, seeds and ribs removed, chopped
3 cups cooked, shredded chicken
1/2-1 cup diced, roasted green chiles (I use roasted green chiles that purchased from my local farmers market and froze, but canned would work well too.)
1 tbs ground cumin
1 tsp oregano
5 cups chicken stock
2 cans canellini beans, drained and rinsed
3 tbs corn meal
1 cup cilantro, chopped for garnish

(Notes: *I’ve found each pack of green chiles from the market to be varying in spiciness, so I add in a little at a time until I’m happy with the overall flavor of the soup. *A rotisserie chicken is a great, easy way to get cooked chicken. I like to buy them a day old from the grocery store already chilled. But you can also buy them hot ahead of time and chill them. I think it’s easier to shred when they’re chilled and easier to dispose of the fat that lies between the skin and meat. *1 can of white or yellow hominy, rinsed and drained would also be a fantastic addition to the chili.)

Heat olive oil over medium heat and saute onions until soft, about 5 minutes. Add garlic and bell peppers and cook for 30 seconds. Add cumin and cook 30 seconds more, stirring constantly. Stir in chicken stock, 2 cups water, chicken, green chiles, oregano, beans and corn meal. Bring to a boil and simmer for 10-15 minutes so flavors combine. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve topped with a sprinkling of cilantro.

Queen of themes, Carrie, decided that it would be fun to have a progressive dinner for this year’s Halloween costume party. So we assigned courses to all of our friends and went to work planning our meal. We were in charge of the main course so we went with Chicken with Forty Cloves of Garlic and braised greens. Both of which were really amazing. Because we were only in charge of making one course rather than a whole meal, we wanted to make it special.

The whole week leading up to the party we worked on decor and place settings. We set the table with my ever-expanding collection of mismatched china, white linens and glittery leaves as our place cards. Our glittery pumpkins were spread out across the middle of the table with red leaves sprinkled all over that were sneakily borrowed from our neighbors tree.

To see the whole set of photos from the dinner party, click here.

Carrie’s version of the story is here.

Seth and Carrie (aka my housemates) host a pumpkin carving party every year so, this year, the party was at my house. Carrie made her famous spicy chili and we had cornbread, salad, homemade pumpkin pies, apple cider and homemade eggnog. Just before the party there was a slight mishap with one of the pies – the cat and dog colluded and the cat knocked the pie off the table so they could eat all of the crust (guess they don’t like pumpkin). So after shipping the dog off to grandma’s house, and fetching a pie from the store, we were ready to party.

Carrie cleared the rugs out of the living room and put down plastic table cloths so when we were finished, clean up was really easy. Everyone brought their own pumpkins and Carrie provided the tools. She has amassed quite a collection from her years of pumpkin carving parties.

The kids did so great, they carved their pumpkins all by their selves. And sat for hours working on them. Their creativity cracks me up!

I love the pictures Seth got of my house at night:

And I’m amazed at what kind of photos his camera takes – I took this one:

(To glitter pumpkins, use a foam brush and apply a thin coat of glue, we used modge podge, but elmers would work perfectly. Then sprinkle on a thick coat of fine glitter.)

I had to take a break from carving to do a little knitting… of course.

To see the whole set of photos, click here.

Read Carrie’s version of the story here.

This number one question I get now that I’m divorced is if we are going to start celebrating all the holidays that we used to skip. I know Halloween was a strange one to start with, but we have had so much fun doing all the fall activities that we have missed out on all these years. I’m still not sure how I fit the pagan roots of the holiday in with our spiritual beliefs, but for now, I’m just taking this as a really fun time with friends and a chance to feel so much freedom – a chance to make my own decisions for my life and do whatever I want. And for that I am thankful.