Knitting with roving

White Beech Mushrooms

14 quarts of salsa canned!

longest my hair has ever been

little sweater for a sample at Tangle

look who says “al” now

Eden and her BFF playing mash while we were out to lunch after church

I peel the breading off my fried zucchini

fiestaware!

glitter pumpkins!

tree in front of my house

Rickelle and I had to get the most ghetto drinks for our badminton tournament. Current tournament score is me 4, Kel 3.

The kids carved pumpkins with my mom before our pumpkin carving party.

For the first time we had to turn patients away at the clinic.

carmel and pecans

helped plan 5 parties in 4 days and this was the list for one of the days

I need giant hamster balls in my backyard as a parenting technique

no bangs

my friend Dane and I switched hand-knit sweaters

My friend, Brooke, is the biggest football fan I know… which is saying something! She’s always been a Peyton Manning fan, so you can imagine her absolute glee when she found out he was going to be playing for the Broncos. She is also extremely proud that I’ve become a football fan and I’ve learned a lot about the game from her. Earlier this month she asked me if I’d like to go to a game with her and I, of course, agreed! We had a great time, driving over the mountains (with lots of Starbucks stops) and the game was AMAZING! I got such a kick out of all the fans… there is nothing like being surrounded by 75,000 like-minded people! After the win, we walked out of the stadium, giving high-fives to random people as we left. The cheering was so loud that it left my ears ringing! It was such a fun day with one of my best buddies! Here are a few pics from the trip:

Vail

Mile High is a beautiful stadium

Pizza at BeauJo’s in Idaho Springs after the game

Idaho Springs

Idaho Springs

October 12, 2012
Shiny jeans – Target, Black tank – target, Long necklace – Pollux, short necklace – Light Gives Heat, gold chains worn as bracelet – H&M, Boots – Charlotte Russe

October 18, 2012
Boots – Steve Madden, Belt – Pollux, Dress – clearance find from Target, earrings – Pollux

a local photographer came into the store the day I was wearing this and took these pics:

October 19, 2012
Sweater, necklace, earrings and printed, striped jeans – Pollux, ruffled boots – Charlotte Russe

Dress – my mom bought me at Kohls several years ago… it was always too long so I cut it off and it ended up being a little too short….ooops, Tights – Target, boots – Charlotte Russe, Necklace – H&M, Earrings – a gift from a friend who bought them in China

October 24, 2012 the last warm day
Dress – Pollux, ruffled boots – Charlotte Russe, scarf – actually a vest I made from a rectangle of jersey fabric.

This was the first Octoberfest that I actually had off so the kids and I took Dexter downtown for the Weenie Dog Races. He failed terribly, more interested in sniffing the other dogs than in running, but we all had a good time and it was fun to see how many dachshunds there are in town.

10.4.12
Miz mood heels (last season), printed jeans from Pollux, black boyfriend-cut tee shirt from Target, Crystal necklace from ModCloth, Gold Chains necklace from H&M worn as bracelet, army jacket that I’ve had since high school.

10.9.12
polka dot pencil skirt – gap, lace up back tuxedo shirt – pollux, black leggings – Target, ruffled combat boots – Charlotte Russe, Leather-look moto jacket – Target, gold chains necklace – H&M

One year ago today I got divorced. I had to look up which day it was which I think is a pretty telling sign of how much I’ve healed. I don’t even think about my past life or husband and sometimes someone will mention something about Jim and it shocks me… oh yeah, I was married.

This last year hasn’t looked anything like I expected it to. I generally liked my life before and was wanting so badly to get back what I lost that I thought God would just fix that for me and I could get back on track right away with a replacement husband. I thought I’d immediately start dating someone who would turn into my future husband and life would just be easy and wonderful and I could pick up where I left off 4 years ago. Instead God had some things to teach me and over these last months he’s gently been telling me that I can’t just get back what I lost… that I have to start looking and believing for something new. Something that will shock me a little.

I always joke with my friends that I’m living my life backwards. I got married and had kids, THEN I was single, started dating and had roommates. Dating and being single in general has been such an interesting experience for me because it’s something I’d never done before… also because nearly every one of my friends is not in this life stage with me. I’m the only one and I’m pretty sure I provide lots of entertainment for them. Over this last year I’ve gone out with lots of dudes, some of them pretty wonderful and lots of them not-so pretty wonderful. Entertaining IS a good word to describe it. But now I have such a clear picture of exactly what I want. I’ve been surprised by things that I never knew I wanted, things that I now know I can’t live without…so much so that it kind of scares me that I’ll never be able to have it.

Trust has been, as always, the cornerstone of my existence. Any time that I start to find myself in a downward spiral, I realize that I’m not trusting the plan that God has for me. Now more than ever, I realize that I have NO CLUE what the next year will look like. What will I be writing a year from now? It could be ANYTHING. I see how good this uncertainty has been for me. I’m the one who always has to know the plan, and see twelve steps ahead. And I don’t get to do that right now. And that’s exactly what I need.

Over this last year I’ve developed some really deep friendships. Even though I was married for 12 years, I never knew true intimacy. Through these friendships I’ve learned intimacy. I’ve learned to lay myself wide open and let people see all the scary corners of me. I’ve learned to take risks in safe relationships and let myself be known. And I’ve learned how to seek that same openness in others. I’ve allowed myself to depend on community without the all-consuming need that could never be filled. (That’s because everything I really need is within me.)

Being a single parent is still something that I forget that I am. And the really weird thing is that even Jim isn’t a single parent. I would have never thought he would be the first one to be un-single. When things get hard my friends have to remind me, yes, you’re a single parent… this should be hard. But the kids and I are finding our ways though and overall things work pretty smoothly and everyone is doing pretty well.

This year hasn’t been without pain and the consequential lessons that come from pain, but it’s been nothing like the years prior. There is a rich thread of hope that weaves it’s way through every day of my life that wasn’t there before. And there is this deep seated knowledge of who I am and what I can do that gives me such comfort and peace. Pain is always necessary for change and learning and I now welcome it (mostly anyway).

This year also hasn’t been without great joy, a multitude of shining moments that I will always treasure. Mostly because I have come into my true self so wholly. Life is open to me in ways it’s never been and I just gobble it up with a voracity that can’t be quenched. I just want to live more and more life and it has been so amazing to be able to do it, on my terms, whenever I want!

What I know is that this last year has been so full. There’s only been a small handful of hard moments compared to the dump truck of good ones. I continue to be surprised over and over again at the path my life has taken and just how GOOD it is. I went into this with eyes wide open, ready for whatever came and it’s all been so amazing. I’ve learned to embrace the seasons of my life, knowing that they will be fleeting, never to be had again. I’ve learned to embrace pain and the lessons it brings as well as treasure every good moment. It feels so cheesy to say that I’ve had a second chance at life, but I really have. Life is new to me in every way and I couldn’t feel more like God knows exactly what he’s doing with me. And that is such a relief!

Who knows what will happen next, but I’m excited for what that might be…

My friend Lisa has been bugging me to post pictures of what I wear everyday. I think it’s a fun idea, but I hesitate because it makes me feel really narcissistic to post a bunch of pictures of myself on the internet! But what I’ve discovered is that taking pictures of what I’m wearing makes me think about my clothes a little more and branch out from my usual black tank top and jeans. So I’ll try this for awhile and see how it goes! There aren’t a lot of great shopping options here in GJ so you’ll see most of my clothes from the same handful of stores.

Sept. 25th
Olive green dress from Pollux a couple of years ago • grey tights • Charlotte Russe ruffled combat boots • necklace handmade by Ivy at Pollux

Sept. 27th – meetings
Black pencil skirt from Pollux • polka dot blouse from Target • Shoes Jeffery Campbell (my fav) • necklace & earrings from Pollux

Sept. 27th – kicking around town
Striped Jeans, flowy shirt, lace cami, necklace – Pollux • black Toms

Sept. 28th
destroyed jeans – Victoria’s Secret • dress & necklace – Pollux • Miz Mooz flats

October 2
pink top – H&M • shiny leather-look jeans – Target • necklace – Pollux • Miz Mooz heels