Black boatneck dress, necklace – Pollux, Leggings – H&M, Ballet Flats – Old Navy, Gold Earrings – Target

Striped Tee Dress – H&M, Leggings – Target, Scarf and Earrings – Pollux, Ballet Flats – Old Navy

Aqua Jeans & Gold Hoops – Target, Sweater – H&M, Nicole Oxfords – Miss Maries (this great little shoe shop that used to be on Main Street), Bracelet – gift from Lisa, ID tag necklace – Pollux.

Destroyed Jeans – Victoria’s Secret, Black Tee – Target, Sweater and ID tag necklace – Pollux, Ballet Flats – Old Navy

Striped Tee Dress – H&M, Leggings, cardigan and wooden ring – Target, Ruffle boots – Charlotte Russe, Freshwater Pearl Bracelets – Pollux, Necklace – Urban Outfitters

leftovers

Every few weeks Josh and I escape town and head south to eat dinner at the most amazing Thai restaurant in Montrose, CO. I’m pretty addicted to their pumpkin curry, but everything I’ve had there is amazing. They serve brown rice too, which is hard to find at most local restaurants. After dinner we spend a few hours at our favorite near-by hot springs before heading home. I love those couple of hours in the car together where we get to talk, rambling on about our jobs and everything else in our lives. I love that we’re afforded so much time together to stay connected. I also love the ritual of it all, that there are places that are becoming “our places”.

This is such a special time of life. I’m reminding myself to live exactly in the moment, soaking it all up, not looking ahead or behind but relishing where I am.

I’m a lucky girl.

I fell in love with this heart hat pattern and had to make it for Eden for Valentines day. With all of the leftover yarn, I modified the pattern (decrease two stitches after the ribbing) and made Honor a Minecraft hat which has been his obsession lately! I used Sublime baby cashmere merino silk which is soft, squishy and amazing. (Just don’t ask how much the hats cost me!)

[heart pattern] [minecraft chart]

It’s different the second time around. “I love you” carries with it more weight because I know exactly what it means to lose love. I know exactly what’s at stake this time because I once had (what I thought was) it all and lost it. I know that I can’t brush off certain things thinking love will conquer all because I’ve done this before and I know that little things viewed through the sparkly lens of love will turn into huge things once the sparkliness wears off. I know that sparkliness is special, but the real stuff is what happens when it wears off. That non-sparkly love is the love that’s weighty and real and lasts through all the hard and painful things that life brings. Knowing this is the advantage I didn’t have last time.

Last time I knew that I loved, I knew that I was doing what I wanted, but I didn’t know what life could bring. I didn’t really know what I was promising. I didn’t know how hard loving could be and I didn’t know that vows and a ring wouldn’t fill every hole in me. I also didn’t know what I deserved and that I had to fight to maintain my individuality… and in neglecting to do so, my inner strength went a little dormant. I didn’t know that love meant having my heart cared for… that love would seek the very best for me. I didn’t know that relationships were only healthy when the two people contributing to them were both whole and healthy. And that being in a healthy relationship meant that you didn’t lose who you were to maintain it. I didn’t know it then, but I’m discovering it now and it’s amazing.

Some days I have to fight against everything in my head that screams, “you’re going to be rejected!” because it’s so much easier to walk in what I’ve always known rather than believe it can be different. And some days I find myself staring in absolute shock because I really have never known what it was like to have someone care so deeply about what’s going on in my heart. It’s a lot to come to terms with. In the very best way.

There’s something very special about doing it the second time. There’s something special about having the wisdom to know what’s a big deal and what isn’t. And there is something special about second chances. I lived so long believing that the life I was living was exactly what I deserved and now I know that I’m finally getting what I truly deserve. Redemption is the very best part of living through something awful. The hope of redemption, THIS, is exactly what got me through.

Now my prayers look more like this: Thank you for knowing that I shouldn’t have what I begged so desperately for. Thank you for having a better plan in mind. Thank you for this, wherever it goes. It’s amazing.

I say, “I wanna do a project today!” and he obliges! I’m spoiled.

Cedar fencing + white and gold spray paint = new headboard