I ran the clinic today. I got to watch 18 volunteers pour themselves into 30 patients who gratefully took their much-needed help. That got to happen because I get to do my job facilitating the clinic. The system is so broken and I get to be a tiny part of the answer. So thankful.

Josh has been out of town on a business trip and is traveling home today. I’ve had some extra time to think about him and our relationship. Everything with him is just so perfectly uncomplicated. If ever I thought God knew what he was doing, it’s when I look at the people he put in my life. So thankful.

I went to my family reunion last weekend. I was laying in bed in my grandma’s basement, my face buried in the pillows, headphones in to block out the sound of the early-rising twinzies and God started talking to me. Ironically I skipped church so he could keep talking to me. He talked to me about being brave and being rescued. He reminded me that HE is the one who is rescuing me, not Josh or anyone else. That feels like such a relief. I got to talk to my uncle about being myself when being myself isn’t always allowed. It was exactly what I needed. I continue to realize: I’m being taken care of… I’m getting exactly what I need. So thankful.

This summer has been so perfect. The ocean and Disneyland, rafting, camping, hours in the car, friends and beers around the makeshift campfire (a citronella torch set inside the firepit). Tomatoes right off the vine, Olathe sweet corn and every meal simple and grilled. Dirty feet, tan lines, popsicles and noses pink from the sun. So thankful.

When my life fell apart and I was going through my divorce, my message to myself was:

Be brave and take one step in front of the other even though you don’t know where you’re going. And even though you don’t know where you’re going, you’re going to be OK.
No matter what.

Somewhere in the last 6 months or so, I decided that I didn’t have to be brave anymore. That’s worked out really well for me… Being a single mom is really hard. Being divorced is really hard… on the finances. I’m at a stage in my life where I don’t have a lot of security. And there are still a lot of things beyond my control. I knew that this would be hard. Back when I was being brave, I prepared myself for this. I told myself that no matter what happened, I would figure it out and I would be OK.

It’s time to start believing that again. It’s time to stop stressing myself out to the point making myself sick. It’s time to trust, to know that I will be taken care of no matter what. It’s time to be brave again. I don’t really have any other choice.

I’m starting to think that maybe God is a lot more gracious than we think he is. Certainly more gracious than we are with ourselves or each other. If we’re made in his image and we can’t go a second without judging each other, looking down our noses and loving with love that’s based on a list of conditions, maybe we think he’s the same way. Maybe the point of life isn’t to do it perfectly, but to learn as much as we can, sometimes the hard way. Maybe we’re here to get through, seeing the beauty in the people that surround us. Maybe the point isn’t being RIGHT but instead operating with LOVE. And maybe God is looking at us, seeing us struggle, doing things maybe a little bit wrong, but he just has so much love for us that it doesn’t matter. We’re OK with him just as we are. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we were just OK with each other just as we are? I could use some of that right now.

I think that theology isn’t something that’s supposed to be static, but something fluid that changes with life experiences and the ways we encounter God. Right now my theology is being heavily influenced by Macklemore and Glennon Melton. Really. (And if you’ve yet to read Glennon’s book, Carry On Warrior, please go get it right now. It’s the best book I’ve read all year, hands down.)

I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t want to live a life that points at everyone else and says, “you’re doing it wrong” because I’m pretty sure I’m doing it wrong too. I don’t have the time or energy to legislate other peoples morality, I’m too busy figuring out my own. Instead I like the idea of Namaste: the acknowledgment of the soul in one by the soul in another. I want to live a life that says, “I see you. Life is hard for me too. You’re doing a good job getting through.”

Hey, you! I see you. Life is hard for me too. You’re doing a good job getting through.