June 7th :)

Today I am tired. I’m tired of dealing with the consequences of a choice I didn’t make and a life I didn’t want. I’m tried of walking into my kid’s school and feeling like a failure and feelingjudged because I can’t fit a full amount of parenting into half the time. I’m tired of not having my kids all the time, sending them to their dad’s @thegotogirl might have just shushed some high schoolers.house when they’re hurting or struggling, not knowing if they will be taken care of the way I want them to be.

I’m tired of paying for the fact that I counted on someone to keep his word both during and after marriage, and I’ve been constantly let down. I’m frustrated that there are ties that I can’t just walk away from when all I want to do is walk away. Cut the ties. Be finished. And get to move on.

I’m just so tired of things being hard.

After lecturing learnedly on miracles, a great theologian was asked to give a specific example of one. “There is only one miracle,” he answered. “It is life.” Have you wept at anything during the past year? Has your heart beat faster at the sight of young beauty? Have you thought seriously about the fact that someday you are going to die? More often than not do you really listen when people are speaking to you instead of just waiting for your turn to speak? Is there anybody you know in whose place, if one of you had to suffer great pain, you would volunteer yourself? If your answer to all or most of these questions is No, the chances are that you’re dead. (Wishful Thinking-Fredrick Buechner )

via Rob Bell

This is why Jesus talked about serving so much: serving is about what kind of center of gravity you have. Some people only think about themselves, and so their center of gravity is as big as they are. Their life, then, isn’t that interesting because it’s only as big as they are. But when you give and love and serve and commit to the well being of others, you are now connected to them and your center of gravity expands. You are filled with life and your heart is opened as your life becomes larger.

—Rob Bell from part 47 of his super interesting series on the Bible