As all of my friends started to have children, it became really apparent that we all share different views on parenting. In some cases, I saw myself grow apart from people because we did things so differently. It’s hard to say “no” to your kids when your friend is simultaneously saying “yes” to theirs and vise versa.

Parenting opinions can be so divisive. If there is anything we parents feel strongly about, it’s how to raise our kids. And when someone says/does something in direct opposition to what we believe, it’s hard not to react to that. It’s hard not to judge another parent when they are doing something that you wouldn’t do.

I have a friend who is having a baby soon and she has been thinking a lot about the way she plans to parent. In talking to her, I’m starting to realize that we all parent differently because we are all such different people. Our kids are so different. In parenting we have to be who we are, not what some book says we should be or who our family has modeled for us to be, but who we inherently are.

I know so many wonderful mothers, who are SO different. Who raise their kids SO differently. And I think when we start to accept that everyone is different, that we all do what we believe to be best for our kids and we decided to trust each other that we know what we are doing with our families, our friendships don’t have to be compromised by the difference in our parenting techniques. Parenting philosophies don’t have to be so alienating.

I think, in general, we (as humans) don’t trust each other enough. I think it’s so easy to judge someone because you would do/look/act/speak differently. I’ve often found myself in a situation that I had previously judged and discovered that the way the person had acted was pretty much what I end up doing myself. I think about “judge not lest you be judged” and I find that it’s my previous judgments that come back and judge me. Especially in parenting.

So the work I’m reminding myself to do now is TRUST my fellow humans. The benefit of the doubt goes a long way. So does a little measure of grace. For some reason, these are all things that we don’t come by naturally, but they are of so much value.