On getting my way
In the day-to-day, I sometimes forget where and what I’ve come from. But I’m often reminded, especially when a friend holds a mirror up to my face and says, “Gosh, remember when…?” Carrie and I were just marveling the other night at what amazing change has been brought about in my life. I started telling her about a realization I had last week. I was talking to God about something that I think I really want and it seems like I’m not going to get it and I don’t understand why. And I just feel like God said to me, “Remember the last time you didn’t get what you wanted? Remember how many times you’ve thanked me that I didn’t give you what you wanted?”
OH…. RIIIIIGHT.
These lessons of trust are continuous and God continues to show me just how he has me in his hands. Things seem like they are going to be one way for a long time and then they go and change almost instantly. Sometimes I look at my life in awe… awe at what it’s become and who I’ve become. Awe at how tightly God is holding me and how safe I really am. I’m learning to draw lines in the sand with myself… to force forward movement when really all I want to do is wallow. And I’m learning to love this form of limbo… not knowing really where I’m going or what life will look like 6 months from now. But knowing that it will be good and that this is a really special time of life… one that is making me… well, more and more ME. Rickelle said to me the other day that I keep waiting to get THERE but what I don’t realize is that I AM there. That NOW is the time that I’ve been longing and waiting for. NOW is what God has been forming me for. So I’m working hard to enjoy it in all of it’s unknown-ness and awkwardness. This is special and I remind myself often that I will never have this time of my life again.
Category: daily One comment »
November 2nd, 2012 at 11:28 pm
You reminded me of a scene from a 2007 Mike Nichols film, “Charlie Wilson’s War”, staring Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Philip Seymour Hoffman.
In this scene Philip Seymour Hoffman tells Tom Hanks a story about a Zen master and a little boy, which goes like this:
There’s a little boy, and on his 14th birthday he gets a horse, and everybody in the village says, “How wonderful the boy got a horse.”; The Zen master says, “We’ll see,”. Two years later, the boy falls off the horse and breaks his leg, and everybody in the village says, “How terrible.”; The Zen Master says, “We’ll see.”. Then a war breaks out, and all the young men have to go off and fight except the boy because his leg is all messed up, and everybody says, “How wonderful.”; and the Zen master says, “We’ll see.”. . . . . .
You can watch this at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tbsx_vZTcNI
The meaning of this is pretty clear: Our mind makes notions of “good” and “bad” based on very limited information. If we could see the whole of a situation, then we might just say, “We’ll see . . .”.
take care, Steve