Just like that, every thing changes and now I’m looking back on a past that was such an all-consuming reality at the time. Life is different now. Life has expanded…yet again. Now I know love in a way that I never have. My eyes are just a little bit more open than they were before. Suddenly everything looks a little bit different. All of the loneliness and questioning and waiting and wondering seems that much more worth it because of what came out of it.

Josh is more than I asked for. He is just amazing. There is still such a part of me that is scared… scared of making a bad choice, scared because he isn’t what I expected, scared because I know what’s at stake and exactly what I’m risking, scared because the future isn’t written yet… and with all of that fear, he still surprises me in ways that I never knew were possible. All those times my friends told me their hopes for me… what COULD be… what to hold out for, I heard the words and hoped too, but couldn’t imagine what they were talking about, couldn’t picture it for myself because I had never known it. THIS is what they hoped for. THIS is blowing my mind.

THIS feels like redemption.