Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.
The Sunscreen Song was on the radio today. The last time I heard it was seven years ago (SEVEN!) when I was graduating. I listened to it today as I drove, seething mad at Honor. He had stepped in puppy poop and purposely smeared it all over the house, just as we were heading out the door. PURPOSELY.
As I was listening to the song, I wondered if the last time I heard it I would have imagined that seven years later I’d be driving in a car pissed as hell at my two year old? Is life what I wanted it to be seven years ago? I was graduating high school, in love with a man I knew I wanted to marry, and the possibilities of my life were endless. I can’t help but think that those possibilities for my life are less endless than they were seven years ago.
I know that I’m mad, I know that I’m frustrated, and I know that it won’t last. I also know that I’m tired of scrubbing things off the carpet. But how can I say that this isn’t the life I wanted? I guess I can say it, but how can I mean it?
Maybe you need to question your choices to know that you’ve made the right ones?
Category: parenting struggles 6 comments »
April 17th, 2006 at 11:08 am
I think every parent would admit to the ‘Did I do the right thing?’ or ‘What could I have been doing with my life if I hadn’t…’ thoughts.
April 17th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
i think that you need a spot bot. my life isn’t the same since i got it around chrismas time and i have 3 beagles and a dirty husband.
April 17th, 2006 at 5:44 pm
Yeah, I feel like doors are closed to me a lot sometimes. Usually I’m ok with the trade-off though…. usually.
April 18th, 2006 at 7:39 am
I am really starting to love reading your blog… we are so in the same place in our lives. I remember that song, I graduated in 98.
When I was pregnant in 2004, I put in an old Smashing Pumpkins CD and cried because I felt like I was goingt o lose myself and my old life.
Now sometimes I cry from laughing so hard with Lily and sometimes the moments that I’m most happy to have her in my life are right after the moments that I question the direction my life has taken. Same thing with my husband =) I never thought I’d have a kid and a husband and be wrestling a half squished caterpilar out of her hands in the park and think to myslef “this is the life”.
By the way, your list of things you’ve fished out of the toilet is the BEST!
April 18th, 2006 at 9:38 am
I just came across your blog when I googled for Glade Park Movies Under the Stars. I am soo glad I did!! I can relate to everything you wrote as well as the comments from others. It gets depressing to be here at work wondering why I am here and my daughter at day care
(my other kids will also wait home alone after school for me to get off work and then complain about why I am never there once I do get there) and not a day goes by where I don’t listen to ‘the oldies’ (aka 90’s) while driving around in my mini van and wonder what ever happened to me!! Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone!
April 18th, 2006 at 9:38 am
I just came across your blog when I googled for Glade Park Movies Under the Stars. I am soo glad I did!! I can relate to everything you wrote as well as the comments from others. It gets depressing to be here at work wondering why I am here and my daughter at day care
(my other kids will also wait home alone after school for me to get off work and then complain about why I am never there once I do get there) and not a day goes by where I don’t listen to ‘the oldies’ (aka 90’s) while driving around in my mini van and wonder what ever happened to me!! Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone!