guilty elation
With me working full time while I get things running smoothly at the store, I’ve been experiencing all sorts of rotating emotions about not staying home with the kids. Mostly my emotions switch between enjoyment and guilt. I enjoy my time away from them. I enjoy being in a space that isn’t constantly being destroyed, a space that is quiet and peaceful. I enjoy the fact that I get to be anal about where things go, and those things actually stay where I left them.
But I also feel guilty. I feel guilty for leaving them, but I guess more than anything, I feel guilty because I enjoy not being a stay at home mom. I’ve always had such strong feelings about being a stay at home mom, that I look at myself now and know that four years ago, I would have judged my present self harshly. As I’ve eaten so many judgments thus far in my almost 25 years of living, I’ve come to view the verse in the bible, “Judge not lest you be judged.” differently. It’s more like, “Judge not lest you be judged by yourself.”
How many things have I stood up and loudly declared my opinion on, later to go the exact opposite direction? A lot. And I know that I’m going to do so on a lot more… How many people have I looked down my nose at, only to become that same person? And I wonder… will I remember this in the future? When there is someone just begging to be judged, will I be able to refrain? Or will I be eating my words once again?
In the meantime, I will hope that I am doing the right thing by my children. I know many people that would tell me that I am not, were I to ask them. And many people that would say that I’m finally not wasting my brain by staying home with them (gah!) but I guess, I’m the only one to decide that. And I wish that was something I realized four years ago when I was passing judgments on others for deciding/needing to work.
Category: daily 12 comments »
August 8th, 2006 at 1:54 pm
well, the people who would say that you are “wasting your brain staying home” would be wrong, becase it takes just as much intelligence (in addition to compassion, discipline, patience & perseverance) to thoughtfully raise two beautiful children as it does to wrangle the biggest corporate deal. as a woman, i so often tire of the views put forthby other women about the value of “our place” or lack thereof. take knitting, for example…so many women sneer at it because it was viewed as a homemaker’s/womans craft, something we were supposed to shed with the feminist revolution. why does that make it bad? what’s wrong with a woman CHOOSING to stay home with her children, instead of being expected to?
count yourself fortunate that you have the capacity to alter your judgements based on your experiences. so many others dont…they become married to an ideal or a viewpoint and won’t budge no matter how many times someone shows them a path that might change their mind. additionally, you have the benefit of it being *your* shop. theoretically, if you start worrying that you aren’t spending enough time with your kids, at least you are your own boss!
you’ll do fine. kudos on the shop, the photos look wonderful! wish i lived locally, i would so come to visit! =]
August 8th, 2006 at 2:17 pm
I have always thought that had I been lucky enough to have children, I would have wanted to stay home with them. But that is SO easy to say, probably lots more difficult to do. You are a young woman of strong opinions, and in MY opinion, it is far better to have strong thoughts, and adjust them as you go through life, rather than not ever have any important thoughts go through your brain. You are a wonderful mother, you can also be a wonderful business-woman. It doesn’t have to be either/or.
August 8th, 2006 at 2:54 pm
do people really say that you are wasting your brain staying home with your children? I see it as exactly the opposite a lot of times. It takes way more brain power to successfully occupy a 2 year olds time than it does to punch numbers onto a computer.
August 8th, 2006 at 6:33 pm
I just want you to be happy :)
August 9th, 2006 at 5:00 am
You’re one of the few people I know who actually DOES change her thinking. I hope this doesn’t sound as condescending as it does in my head, but: I really admire that about you. Strong opinions are fabulous things, but your ability to learn and grow and ADAPT is rare and impressive. I’ve always wanted to be more like that, myself.
August 9th, 2006 at 6:41 am
Who gives a shit what other people think! I’ve always been one to think that what makes mama happy makes everyone happy. You know? If you’re following your dreams it’s the best lesson you could ever give to your kids.
August 9th, 2006 at 10:52 am
Allison, I have been on both sides of the fence and there are ups and downs to both. I stayed home for Kaden’s first year of life and I wouldn’t take that back for the world. I also wouldn’t take going back to work because I grew so much as a person. But then again, here I am back at home with an 8 and 5-year-old. Everyone has different desires, wants, and needs – you just have to make sure your priorities are straight and march forward. God first, family second, job third. I know I have had those completely backwards at times in my life. Good luck girl, I’m proud of you!
August 9th, 2006 at 11:03 am
I just wanted to say that I’m proud of you for venturing out into unknown terriorty. I’ve found that being a working mom makes for some well rounded kids. Also, I find that when I’m feeling bad about not staying home all the time, my husband gently reminds me that the time I’m not home is his time, and he wouldn’t give it up for anything. And when the kids have to go to the babysitter’s, then its a new experience and good for them socially. As for the judging thing, alas you are human, and most of us feel the same way.
LOL, mel
August 9th, 2006 at 11:39 am
What HeatherC said!
August 10th, 2006 at 4:09 pm
Thanks for this post. I’m having some life changing stuff happening at the moment and have been thinking a lot about going back to work. Not particularly for the money (although it would be nice) but for myself. I’ve felt a little selfish thinking this but i’m craving some adult time and am seriously considering doing it once we have moved house and are settled. I may change my mind though, who knows.
Your shop looks fabulous btw, well done, i wish i lived closer, i could come spend my adult time there!
August 10th, 2006 at 9:05 pm
You’re doing right by your kids by doing right by yourself. A happy mother who loves her kids — that’s what kids need. (not to say you weren’t happy before, but this is clreadly something you care about and really want to do.) You working full time now will also teach them plenty — about change, about mothers following their dreams and how that doesn’t change their love for their children, about a myriad of things I can only imagine.
My mother finally started a business when I was in middle school. I remember being proud of her then. I’m still proud of her, nearly 2 decades later as I watch her success and creativity contiue to flow. It was nice having her all to myself before that, but if she had done it earlier I’m positive I’d feel the same.
I don’t know you at all, but I’m still proud of you. This is an exciting time, and it will be great for your whole family!
August 14th, 2006 at 8:40 am
I’m with you on this one, every word. I’m currently a stay at home mom, and know logically that it is good for my kids, but 3 plus years at home has driven me completely batty, to the point where I may be doing my kids a bit of good to change things up a bit.