childhood resiliency
“Children always know when someone doesn’t want to be around them and they act accordingly. As adults we sort of loose that.”
One of my knitting instructors said this to me today while we were talking about dysfunctional family relationships.
It was something that I really needed to hear as I’ve seems I’ve lost all of my childhood resiliency. I’ve struggled so much lately with the thought of friendship. It was like one day I woke up and found myself incredibly lonely. I’ve scrutinized myself relentlessly wondering if I’m not friendly enough, not approachable, not cool, not interesting. Wondering if I was difficult to love and what it was about me that made me difficult to love.
I haven’t come to a healthy conclusion. But I know that i need to thicken up my skin a bit and relearn how to be resilient. And I need to learn how to be content with being alone too.
Category: me 9 comments »
April 13th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
You’re actually very cool. And I’ve been meaning to tell you that your glasses are totally hott. :)
April 13th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
I have a hard time believing that you’re hard to be around…but something that I’ve learned in my adulthood is that you really have to work at keeping up friendships. My best tip: When you run into someone that you like to hang out with, make plans right then. Don’t do the whole “I’ll call you” thing. Just make plans and follow through, people will recognize that you’re making an effort.
You’ve got to start somewhere!
ginny
April 13th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
i can empathize. i find myself constantly over-analyzing the things i do and say around people i’d like to be friends with when really, they’re only worth being friends with if they’re okay with me being me.
and y’know, i think you’re cool. =)
April 13th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
You’re the mother of two small children. I’d be lucky to get my hair washed – forget about trying to maintain friendships.
That’s why I like internet friends – we’re low upkeep.
:)
April 14th, 2007 at 11:40 am
I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of months and I’ve never commented, but this entry really hit home with me. I was just talking about this very thing to my husband at lunch today. It seems that some friends are loyal as long as your local and at the same life stage as they are, then there are friends who remain no matter what, they’re the real keepers. You don’t have to force it, feel guilty, or alter who you really are- nuture those and allow yourself to let the rest go. BTW… I even have a link to your page on my blog because I think you’re really creative and inspiring- not boring at all! Have a great weekend!
April 15th, 2007 at 2:04 am
I totally hear you. I think I know how you are feeling. I don’t know how to fix it, but I understand it. But there are people who want to be around you, and however many people read this blog do so because in reality, we all want to be your friend.
April 15th, 2007 at 10:32 am
You’re not alone. It’s funny. When I’m alone, I feel perfectly fine. It’s when I’m among people and get that alone feeling that I feel miserable. The “what”s wrong with me” thoughts creep in. There’s nothing wrong with you honey. There just aren’t enough people like us in the world. =) *hugs*
April 15th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Judging by the many responses identifying with you, myself included, it seems that we all go through phases of feeling alone. Right now I feel more alone than I ever have. Our church is once again leaving us, I am so busy with 2 kids, teaching 25 kids, doing my masters, remodeling our house, and some how finding time to do the must do’s of cleaning and cooking that right now I’m lucky if I can maintain my marriage, let alone friendships. I think that it is a valid feeling, and too easy to get down on yourself thinking what’s wrong with me…I must be a crappy person to feel this alone! Because I am there in the midst of “lonely” with you, I can’t offer much advice except that you are not alone in the world of the lonely.
April 16th, 2007 at 8:05 am
I found it effortless to spend time with you and we hardly knew each other! So no, it’s not you. You are awesome.