my small moment of profundity (must document)
(Written in response to a friend’s blog post)
There have been a multitude of times in my life that I have felt like I was completely alone. Always those times came when I was experiencing a large swell of emotions. But looking back I realize that I wasn’t alone, but pushing away the people who would be there for me. That I didn’t give the people who do love me enough credit to love and care for me for who I was, wether I was something I thought they would be capable of loving or not.
Just a couple days ago, after hearing that a friend of mine had gone through an emotional and difficult evening alone, I realized that most often we go through difficult things alone because we don’t ask for help. This was revolutionary to me. Those times when I was convinced that no one really loved me, that no one was really there, could have been avoided if I would have rolled over and talked to my husband or picked up the phone and called a trusted friend. Maybe I was afraid of being transparent? But I know that a little transparency would have gone a long way in healing my brokenness. I couldn’t believe I never saw this.
Another thing I know: believing I was alone was just what the deceiver wanted me to believe, giving me a small taste of hell – and I was willing to swallow it.
I know that sometimes emotions do not follow reality – actually, USUALLY emotions do not follow reality. Learning to push my emotions away and cling to what is actually real has been a difficult lesson for me to learn, one that I continue to learn over and over. I’m still trying to figure out why God made us such emotional beings…
Category: me 5 comments »
July 2nd, 2007 at 9:33 am
For me, a big part of it is vulnerability. I have a big idea of who I am, and letting someone into the more raw parts feeling belies that. Also, I think we need sometimes to have those times of feeling desperately alone, how lucky we are when we realise those are self-inflicted and how surrounded we are by love. It’s nice to have support and love, it’s also nice to have some emotional headspace every once in a while.
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:21 pm
I think we’re so emotional because it makes us capable of love and compassion.
It’s amazing to me how we walk into the enemy’s wide-open trap sometimes – especially when we’re hurting. I think we need to learn to take our pain more seriously and view it less as a personal flaw, weakness, or downfall.
Good profound moment!!
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Sometimes it is hard to ask for help, because it feels like failure. But in reality, it is doing what God made us to do, be a body. Thank you for the reminder, I struggle with this too!
July 3rd, 2007 at 7:29 am
I read this today of all days. I need to call a friend. Thank you.
July 5th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Maybe he made us such emotional beings so we could truly feel the entirety of his love and understanding…we just have to ask. ;)