It’s been a difficult week for me. And of course I can’t write about much of it. I continue to be frustrated that I can’t turn to this blog when I really need it. And I really don’t know what to do… I’m seriously about to say eff it all and write whatever the hell I want. (And you thought I already did that!)
I think part of my problem is that I am such an emotional and sensitive person. It’s something that I can’t change about myself and something that I’m trying to use as a strength rather than a weakness. Sometimes things just effect me more than they do others. Sometimes things effect me A LOT more than they do others. But I’m trying to realize that I can’t shut myself down. I can’t close myself off to the world as much as I sometimes want to. So I remain open, open to hurts and heartaches and anguish. I’m not sure what the positive to that is yet, but I’m learning to not fight it and instead work with it.
Right now, some people are coming back into our lives that have been fairly absent in the past few years. I’m having a hard time accepting that our relationships with these people are just how. they. are. I’m having a hard time with being manipulated and pushed aside until I’m needed. And I’m pissed that I can’t write about the whole fracking thing.
So I guess that I just came here to throw a pity party and a temper tantrum and it’s probably best that I don’t even hit publish. But I’m going to anyway. Because, today, I guess I want to be a spoiled brat.
Category: gah! 7 comments »
October 26th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
So….just write it. =) It’s YOUR page darnit, YOURS. I’m here anytime chica…let’s grab a drink and bitch together. haha
October 26th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Allie – you’re fine – really. It is NORMAL to feel conflicted – or actually Angry with people who treat you that way. I understand the frustration about not being able to tell people – write about it. There is a form of release that comes with getting it out. So best advice (unsolicited and therefore free to be tossed in the trash) – find a friend – that one friend that you can trust – and talk to them about it. DON’T hold it in and always swallow it. It is okay to Feel and it is okay to talk about that to a friend. Talking to a friend is not talking about it to the whole world. I hope you get to more stable ground on this. If I could, I’d just give you hug and tell you ‘it will be okay’ . . .
October 26th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
The one thing I have learned in my life is that the older you get, it does sometimes get eaiser. In my 20’s I was emotionaly raw most of the time because I had always wanted to be the ‘perfect’ everything, BUT age has softened that need and it will for you too. :) You can always write it out and somtimes telling a stranger, yes a complete stranger about somthing can help ease the stress. I was in the store once and was looking at the row of peas… yes the peas and started to have a conversation with the other lady looking at peas… needless to say we talked about things that I would not have been able to talk to a close friend about, it was the same for her. :) God puts people there for us in the strangest places – including the pea isle… LOL
October 26th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
I hear ya so hard on that one. There is a lot in my life right now that I would love to blog about but…I can’t because it likely would hurt others and damage relationships that are already shaky. But it sucks, I feel like I have come to rely on my blog for stuff like that.
October 27th, 2007 at 10:32 am
You’re totally allowed to be a spoiled brat on your blog. :)
Hope you gain clarity about the situation and about what to do with it.
October 28th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
i’m sorry you’ve been feeling that way, friend.
i hope it gets better for you soon.
call me if you need to talk.
October 29th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
As a writer, I have struggled for a number of years with wondering if someone has to be dead before it is fair to paint them in a novel – And then of course; how can one speak ill of the dead?
I read advicc from a veteran writer this summer. He says, go ahead and write it – the person being charactured will never recognize themself!!!!!!!